victory_road | Action + text

[ The outskirts of New Bark Town. He doesn't particularly want to stay, but no one has explained why leaving would be a good option either. Maine is sitting in the shade of a tree. His Flabébé, now called Ragweed, is on his lap because he has given up, okay? The stupid thing won, but he will never say it. Never. It's lucky he didn't stick with his original name for it, but he was sick of waiting for the various Poke-vet techs to get over their righteous indigence over one measly curse word and treat the blasted thing for "fainting". Again. Again. He's been here only 24 hours, and he knows the nurse's name.

The stupid rat-faced thing that Rags had fought wasn't even that big! Maine only wanted it because it had teeth. It wasn't a flower, okay, and then he could give Ragweed to anyone and still have another pet to deal with... pet things, because here humans are more useless than ever.

He takes out his PokeGear (he is going to start calling everything poke- now. PokeBacon. PokeSteak. PokeHam. Are pokemon food?) and types out a message. ]

will work for warthog. car. not picky. where do i buy baby weed steroids?

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

wait warthog like the actual car jeep

no cars here no roads either itsf ucking bullshit but I sure wish I had warthogs or pelicans or pumas or animalbased vehicls

no i'm hungry

yes actual car

what the fuck is a puma

think its the same thing as warthog tbh the reds are fucking stupid as always but u still cant get any cars here sorry

have u tried walking

for miles and fuckass miles through tall grass fighting everything in ur path

bc it really godamn sux

[ He doesn't know half of what that is supposed to mean. ]

no that's why i want a car

get used to that feeling

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Wait, okay, so like, steroids for baby weeds? Steroids made out of baby weeds? Steroids made out of weed, for babies? Because I'm pretty sure that's not a thing, but I'm trying to work with you, here.

[ ... seriously? That was clear. ]

steroids for plant-based pets

try harder

Have you tried feeding and watering them? I hear talking to them helps, too.

tried burying it. not talking to it. it's a plant. won't shut up tho

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Baby weed steriods???

for the fighting plant

Uhh if you mean buying drugs for your Pokemon you don't
That'll probably kill it

tougher than it looks

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[Was this guy for real? He wanted to buy some kind of steroid here? Did they even sell drugs? Snake doubted it.]

Don't think they sell steroids here. no cars either. you have to walk or use your Pokémon.

[ He has been indoctrinated into the belief that, if you want something to grow stronger, you inject it with everything until it's tough or it's broken. ]

it's too small

What kind of Pokémon have you got?

[Because if he knew he could guess this guy's Pokémon size? Also, the moves it might learn to help him.]

[ He's getting the hang of this poke shit (and maybe reading the guide). ]

flabébé

ok well the first thing I feel like you should know is that "baby weed steroids" is a great band name and you should copyright that before someone else does

[ That will never be on his priority list. ]

take it

LOL I'd love to but I'm not a musician, the brilliance would be wasted on me

anyway in all seriousness what do you mean by steroids

you mean something to beef it up or like

vitamins?

or what?

beef it up it can't take the rat thing

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[Pokemon are friends, Maine. Not food.]

Have you tried giving it plant food?

[That's what made weed's grow right?]

[ Pokemon are animals and plants. Animals and plants are food. It's not an illogical progression. Some cultures eat monkey and dog. ]

plants eat sunlight

[ Look, gardening is not his strong suit.]

[Sure. But actually eating your pokemon partner is probably pretty frowned upon.]

Plants need to sunlight to grow, sure. But you gotta make sure it has water and food, or else it's gonna have a pretty hard time.

[Thankfully for you he happens to know the best flower grower in all of Gaia.

Who is not here, so you're stuck with Zack hoping he remembers how to properly take care of baby weeds.]

[ Listen, he's never had a pet before. Or a plant. He's doing pretty well with not stepping on it. ]

you want it?