Video Post

[thedifferencebetween]

[Jack's been a bit absent from the network this week. He's had a lot on his mind, a lot to deal with. No one's messaged him demanding explanations, he didn't notice too many people taking Angel's bait, but he's gotta keep up like nothing's happening. Time for a little damage control.]

Hey everybody, Handsome Jack here!

In case you need a reminder, I'm the guy with the puppy who makes greeting cards.

[And as always, he's got Doom Boner in his lap and the feed is focused more on the fat puppy than on Jack himself.]

Which is what I'm here to talk to you about today! So, anybody with a pair of eyes can see what the popular Pokemon are. You want anything with a friggin Eevee on it, you can get it. Hell, you're probably gonna be stuck with crap with Eevee on it even if you don't want an Eevee on it. Eevee are on everything! Pikachu, too.

But I don't care about those. What are your favorite under-represented Pokemon? [Because everybody's got a 'favorite' mutant attack animal.] What do you want to see on more merchandise?

Participation in Hyperion Greeting market research gets you a free card!

[A pause.]

Oh, speaking of Pikachu...anyone know if any other stores in the region carry those yellow Pikachu shirts with the black silhouette on the front that's got the lightning bolts trailing behind it? They don't carry'em in the Goldenrod department store anymore, and apparently I need to replace mine.

[He is looking at you, Rhys.]

Comments

Video

[veggie_vamp]

What an awesome sorta-commercial! I can't wait to hear everyone's answers!

Video

[thedifferencebetween]

I bet there's at least one guy who's really into weird Pokemon. Like that one kid that's way into spiders and bugs.

...or whatever the equivalent would be for you since I'm guessing most people where you come from are into spiders and bugs.

Video

[veggie_vamp]

You know me so well! I looove spiders!

video

[thatwasours]

[since when does Jack give a shit about people's favorite Pokemon? sure, it's market research, but there's about a hundred better ways to do that. all of which Jack would know, given that he's a CEO at home. so this is how he's chosen to respond to being accused of 'power-hungry megalomania' by his very much alive daughter. with a casual, overly-friendly (and frankly, grating) post about greeting cards, six days later.]

[smart. if he'd responded directly, even to deny it, he'd have shot himself in the foot and created a spectacle. and six days later is enough time that it doesn't look like he's posting as a direct response. too bad that means that what she said probably had at least a grain of truth to it, if Jack's being this careful.]

Isn't that more of a poll?

video

[thedifferencebetween]

[Jack gives no shits whatsoever. He just wants it fresh in people's minds that he's a nice, respectable local businessman who cares about his community.]

[He's no stranger to PR and propaganda.]

Same difference. Whatever. What does it matter?

[thatwasours]

The purpose behind it. Market research is a tool to help you know what people want, but polls drum up interest-- get them talking.

[video]

[beastofasister]

Litwick, of course!

[...How many other Pokémon does Manaka even know? Listen, it doesn't matter, she wants all the merchandise of her adorable soul-stealing candle familiar.]

[video]

[thedifferencebetween]

Ha! Can't say I'm surprised there.

Alright, just for you, I'll make sure we make some Litwick stuff.

Of course I'm gonna need a Litwick to take pictures of, first. Well, not me. I don't do that part, I have employees who do that stuff.

[beastofasister]

[She claps her hands together. How exciting!]

You can use mine, if you want! She really likes attention, so I'm sure she'd love to be part of a photoshoot.

Oh! I have a Woobat, too. They're not quite as cute, but they're really round and fluffy... Are greeting cards the only things you make? I bet they'd make really comfy pillows!

[Video]

[monge]

[Wait, what, Eevee? Really?]

I always thought the most popular Pokemon was Dunsparce, zura...

[Because clearly his standards are everyone's standards.]

[Video]

[thedifferencebetween]

Oh, hey! Special Kid.

....what the hell is a 'Dunsparce'?

[Video]

[monge]

[He's special?! Jack must really want to be his friend— Why does everyone keep calling him a kid?]

Well no wonder you thought it was Eevee if you haven't even seen one yet, zura! It's only the cutest Pokemon in the whole world, zuraa~

[Without even waiting to be asked, Komasan grabs Noko and holds her up to the feed. Behold! ...A fat snake!]

Moooonge~!! Isn't she the cutest, zura~?

audio;

[secondhandsome]

Oh, huh, still haven't gotten that shirt back? Bummer.

[Not that he already knew that or anything. He sure hasn't suggested it'd be nice to do something terrible to it. Nope. Not him.]

audio;

[thedifferencebetween]

No, and I'm pretty sure I'm not gonna.

I better be able to replace it. I like that one.

audio;

[secondhandsome]

Yeah, looks that way. If you haven't gotten it back by now and all... [What a shame. Terrible. Alas, poor shirt, etc.] Shouldn't be too hard to track down if it's still being sold anywhere, but uh. Might also just have to accept that it's gone.

he's not replying but

[atlasrising]

[ jack you really need to let it go. ]

Video

[coolskeleton_95]

THERE IS A DEFINITE LACK OF SKELETON POKEMON! THE CLOSEST I HAVE READ ABOUT IN THE POKEDEX ARE CUBONE AND DUSKULL!

PERHAPS YOU COULD INVENT A SKELETON POKEMON FOR SOME EQUAL REPRESENTATION?

Video

[thedifferencebetween]

Buddy, I make greeting cards. Inventing new Pokemon's a little beyond my capabilities.

Re: Video

[coolskeleton_95]

WELL, IT'S TRUE, YOU DON'T HAVE ANY SORT OF LAB OR ANYTHING. PERHAPS YOU COULD MAKE A SKELETON VERSION OF EXISTING POKEMON AND PUT THEM ON YOUR CARDS FOR THIS "HALLOWEEN" HOLIDAY! DRACY TOLD ME IT'S A CELEBRATION OF SPOOKY THINGS LIKE GHOSTS AND SKELETONS AND PUMPKINS FOR SOME REASON!

[video]

[voidedgoddess]

Skitties and Espurrs. Actually any cat. [There is an Espurr also on screen staring into your soul.]

[video]

[thedifferencebetween]

I have no idea what a 'skitty' is, but I've got one of those freaky purple cats.

They never look not traumatized.

[video]

[voidedgoddess]

No, this is an Espurr. Hold on. [She calls off-screen to Gastrell and the gear goes slightly wobbly as she turns it to show of a Skitty.] He was my starter.

And they don't look traumatized. [Yes, they do.]

video;

[cardboard_boss]

[Jack wanted to get into the Pokémon merchandise business now? Snake was sceptical. What was this guy's catch? There was always a catch somewhere, right?]

Snake Pokémon. There needs to be more snake Pokémon stuff.

[Because snakes were the best, right?]

video;

[thedifferencebetween]

Completely not surprised by that answer!

[cardboard_boss]

Guess it goes with my name, huh?

[Why else?]

They're underrated. Got the snake bandanna, just need some snake Pokémon cookies now.