[ACTION]

[shiro2hero]

[There sure is a fire in the middle of camp.]

[Okay, yes, true. There should be fires. Everyone is camping, after all. Those fires are vital to the health and survival of everyone currently in Hisui! So of course there's a fire in the middle of camp.]

[Except...]

[This is not one of those kinds of fires.]

[This fire is in the cooking area. Where some poor, unsuspecting Guild member let Shiro step in to assist... with predictable results. He was just supposed to be making salad.]

[Just a salad.]

[And yet?]

[The salad is on fire.]




[Please help.]

Comments

[shiro2hero]

[SORRY DIMITRI.]

[... Shiro will also apologize for what pops its head out of the bucket when Dimitri grasps for it. It's a Mantyke. Looking up at him with her big ol' eyes. What Shiro probably meant was grab the pokemon, she's a water type, she can put out the fire.]

[He'd be happy to explain this.]

[Except he's busy keeping his hand on Tywi's nose to push it back. Away from the fire.]

No, no - buddy - no.

[nastyboy]

[Have you ever had a cat get on the table as you're trying to eat? So you press your hand against their face, like that will stop a creature that denies the divine? And they just stay pressed there, still quietly trying to push forward, and yet trapped against an unmoveable object?]

[Yeah.]

[So, Tywi.]

[And this sleepy giant tube rat is sure determined, it seems! Because all they do is just... still try to steadily push forward, before sticking the tongue out.]

[Eat the fire!!!]

[Which is around the time that Dimitri comes back, holding out the bucket and the little Mantyke desperately.]

Pancake!

[shiro2hero]

[No, you know what, he's going to change hands here. Metal hand on Tube Rat Twyi's head. Easier to push - gently - that way. And he won't accidentally get burned that way!]

No! Down!

[DO NOT EAT THE FIRE.]

[Pancake, the Mantyke, is only too happy to help. As soon as Dimitri brings her and the bucket into range, she's leaping up out of the water, spraying a Watergun attack. Yes! She is a very good pokemon! She is Helping!]

[... all the more reason to try and shove Twyi out of the way. Frankly, Shiro doesn't know if Typhlosion's flames are anything life-supporting, but just in case, he makes a game attempt to football tackle Twyi away from the water.]

[nastyboy]

[At least Twyi goes down like an inflatable tube person - very long, but very soft, and, just, it feels like just falling straight through something as it crumples right there under your weight.]

[At least Twyi does have actual mass there, so Shiro has a soft landing! And the Typhlosion doesn't even seem particularly bothered, just raising their head with a soft blink while the pair of are swarmed by two yipping Growlithe.]

[Dimitri stands there, still staring, still holding a bucket.]

...What happened?

[shiro2hero]

[Shiro's quick to sit up. Up and off of Twyi. Looking the pokemon over for any indication of damage - and not seeing any yet. Thank space lion jesus. Or Arceus.]

Are you okay? [To the Pokemon, first and foremost. Pancake claps her flippers together in the bucket. Yes! Success! She did it!]

I, I think we're okay. [Deep breaths, Shiro.] Everything just caught fire while I was... making salad...

[nastyboy]

[Tywi just yawns. Yeah, this is fine.]

[Which is good, because Dimitri gets distracted by those words, and just. stares.]

...Salad can catch on fire?

[shiro2hero]

[Shiro sort of... sinks. He wishes he could be as nonchalant as Tywi.]

It. Apparently can. I didn't know either.

[nastyboy]

[ ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ]

Was.... Did one of my own set fire to it? I am terribly sorry.

[LISTEN, HE HAS THREE FIRE TYPES AND THEY'RE ALL HERE, IT'S A REASONABLE GUESS]

[shiro2hero]

What -

No! No, nothing like that. I'm... not sure how it happened, but it definitely wasn't a pokemon.

[Or so he thinks.]

[At least it definitely wasn't one of Dimitri's.]

[nastyboy]

[Poor Dimitri. The look on his face is like that of a Growlithe that doesn't know where the ball is after you Very Definitely threw it.]

Then... Then perhaps a stray ember flicked past from the open flames about? Surely there... There must be some reason that it burst into flames.

[Salad just doesn't catch on fire Shiro?????????????????????]

[shiro2hero]

It's me. I'm cursed.

[He almost - almost leaves it at that. But then, because too many people have taken him absolutely seriously, he adds:]

Not - a literal curse. I just can't do anything right in the kitchen. And it ends up a disaster.

1/2

[nastyboy]

[ . . . ]

Shiro, salad is.... wet?

2/2

[nastyboy]

Are you sure it is not a literal curse?

1/2

[shiro2hero]

Yes, Dimitri, I am sure it's not a literal curse, and I know salad is wet. That's why I thought -

[shiro2hero]

[As he says the word "thought", he lets his metal hand drop onto the table in dismay. The heavy THUNK is, apparently, enough to startle something out from under said table - ]

[A Chimchar.]

[Who takes one look at the two big guys and books it for the wilderness.]

- ... oh.

[nastyboy]

[And just as immediately, two Growlithe go nyooming right after the Chimchar, hollering up a storm as they find their new and very unwilling playbuddy.]

[Dimitri just stares after them for a long time, before he slowly turns his head to look back at Shiro.]

...Perhaps it would do you good to find a... Does Johto have priests that deal with curses? Perhaps someone like Morty... Oh, we would need to return to that time.

[But Morty seems like he knows weird shit like that]

[shiro2hero]

[Shiro likewise, stares out after them. His expression somehow both resigned and confused at the same time.]

... Yeah, that's. Not going to help. It's not a literal curse.

[Despite every indication to the contrary.]

It's - I don't know what it is.

[nastyboy]

...Shiro, I believe that is at least partially the definition of a curse.

[Probably that's how that works.]

[shiro2hero]

No, it's - it's really not a curse.

Really.

[Please don't send him to Morty for an exorcism, Dimitri buddy.]

[nastyboy]

...But you cannot explain it.

[Sir. Sir.]

[shiro2hero]

That - that just means we don't know the reason yet.

Not that it's a curse. I mean, we didn't know the reason for the moon changing phases, but that didn't mean it was magic.

1/3

[nastyboy]

[ . . . ]

2/3

[nastyboy]

[Isn't it magic-]

[nastyboy]

[Dimitri does not say this, because he suspects it might take away from his point.]

Have you ever taken cooking classes, then, Shiro?

[shiro2hero]

[No, please ask about the moon, Dimitri, let him talk your ear off about space - he's more than happy to do so.]

I live with someone who'd qualify as a four star chef. If he can't teach me...