7 ∅ [Video/Action for Route 39]

[callbacks]

[The broadcast begins, but there's an unintended second or two of jostling before Dave gets the camera set up the way he wants. The cause: He's outside, for once, leaning against a tree to get out of the noontime sun. He looks...actually pretty content, if slightly sunburned. It's fading, at least. The straw cowboy hat he's resting on his chest must be doing some good.]

Howdy, y'all--[He breaks character immediately for a snicker.] Christ, okay, never let me say anything like that again. Anyway. For those of you unused to human custom, we got a time-honored tradition of embarrassing people publicly on the day they emerged gross and wailing into existence.

[He shifts so he can dig a folded piece of paper out from his pocket and opens it. A Ponyta nearby wanders over to check out what he's doing, then blows into his hair and walks off again to watch over the Miltank they're rounding up. The corner of Dave's mouth turns up.]

This one goes out to a special dude on his special day. He knows who he is. P.S., it's Karkat.

[One breath in, and then:]

Okay,
D.J. Strider here.

[Oh god he's gonna rap.]

I gotta take the time to make a June declaration
On my sanctioned lunch break from bovine aggregation
Since we've all been re-stationed to make reparations
To this fucked-up earthquaked Pokémon nation:
Congratulations! On the commemoration of your buggy origination
The germination, gestation, and ex-cavern relocation
And the perpetuation of your person-ization
To the tune of eight sweeps of EXP accumulation
By my admittedly shitty estimation, (leave some room for deviation).
So, yeah, in celebration I propose a coronation--

[And he lifts his hat to reveal: A Burger Slowking cardboard crown and a shit-eating grin.]

For my favorite crustacean on his wriggling day,
And if y'all answer to Cancer make sure to say hey.

[...Okay maybe he's done. For now. Dave puts the hat and crown aside and starts braiding little wildflowers together.]

We'll be accepting donations of birthday cake and child-friendly toys at the MooMoo Farm, care of Dave Strider.

Comments

[usedgravity]

["Aliveness factor" does almost make her laugh at least]

As someone who comes from a world populated by superpowered non-mini-humans, I just figure it has to do with good laws and culture! I'm glad to hear it's not like, secretly super dangerous outside of New Bark Town or something.

[callbacks]

Whoa, hang on. So what kind of world do you come from?

[usedgravity]

[The normal kind?]

Um, the kind with Quirks? Pretty much everyone has 'em.

[She waves her and at the camera - she has little round pads on the tips of her fingers]

I could make things completely weightless.

[callbacks]

Huh.

[Well, he doesn't look like he's inclined to disbelieve her at all, at least.]

That's kinda weird. I guess I can see why it's called a...what, a Quirk? So are those, like, low-level, kind of hilarious superpowers across the board?

[usedgravity]

I mean, some of them are pretty strong! [Like Deku who can punch hard enough it creates a blast of wind, or Shouto who can freeze an entire building in an instant...] But yeah, everyone's got different ones, so it's like - quirky!

[callbacks]

Everyone everyone? It's not restricted to some kind of reified comic book elite?

[It's hard to tell with Dave's generally understated tones, but that sounds like genuine interest threaded into his words.]

[usedgravity]

I mean, almost everyone? Some people are Quirkless but... it's pretty rare these days! But yeah, pretty much everyone develops a Quirk by the age of four - it's usually related to what your parents have, so at least you have someone around who you can learn from.

[callbacks]

Holy shit, I can't even imagine what insurance premiums must be like where you're from. Four-year-olds with superpowers. Christ.

[usedgravity]

Uhhh, I'm not really sure myself - I mean, most powers are pretty weak when you're a little kid! It's not like they're going around lifting buildings or anything!

[callbacks]

Still, though, like--Jesus. What's middle school even like like that. The entire metamorphosis towards adulthood must be one surreal ride.

[usedgravity]

It's pretty colorful! I mean, obviously you're not supposed to do anything disruptive during class or PE, but well... everyone's unique! It can definitely be hard for the kids who have more physical changes though.

[callbacks]

Yeah, I'll bet. Damn, this place must be pretty weird for you, then, with all our powers getting stolen or whatever while common woodland creatures run around packing nuclear Armageddon practically.

[usedgravity]

Yeah, it's definitely a pretty big change! I keep getting tripped up when I mention Quirks and no one knows what I'm talking about...

Animals with Quirks are pretty rare - though our school principal is one!

[callbacks]

...Okay, wait.

...Is your school principal an animal.

[usedgravity]

Yeah, he's a mouse! Or... a bear? Maybe a dog, I'm not really sure.

[No seriously, you tell her]

[callbacks]

[What the fuck even is that thing, is that a mink, who even knows.]

I admit I'm not the most up and up on my Earth fauna, but I'm pretty sure those things are all, like, super different, but what do I know, I guess. Anyway, your world sounds pretty wild.

[...Says the Homestuck...]

[usedgravity]

Are you not from Earth? [He looks so human... and she's not used to how sarcastic he likes being.]

It can be pretty exciting!

[callbacks]

I mean, no, I am--[Well, wait.] ...Depending...on who you ask. But I haven't been back since I was thirteen and you'd be surprised how much shit you forget.

[usedgravity]

Whoa, really? [She's not sure how old he is but he's deeeefinitely not 13 anymore] Have you been stuck here that whole time?

[callbacks]

Uhh, no. I've been here...I dunno, since November, I guess.

[Too much math to figure out the months.]

Most of the rest of the time between I was on a meteor in space.

[usedgravity]

[That's still pretty long but also NOT IMPORTANT DID HE JUST SAY "SPACE"?]

In space!? What were you doing there!?

[callbacks]

Not much, TBH? It was mind-fucking boring back there. If I never see another shitty movie for the fortieth time, it'll be too soon.

[usedgravity]

Wha, bu- how did you even get into space? Why were you there? And... watching movies?

[callbacks]

[A short sigh.]

Look, kid, it's a really long story, okay? TL;DR, my version of Earth got its ass kicked, I got off planet, did some anime shit, grabbed a one-way meteor ticket to another dimension except coach class didn't provide anything you could call "entertainment," and it was a really long ride.

[usedgravity]

Uh... [he keeps using internet speak, half of which she doesn't even know] ...wow, that's pretty unbelievable! I mean, if I wasn't here I almost wouldn't.