victory_road | FOURTH WALL MINGLE LOG

[Judging by this, he can tell that she made some good friends back home. And even if he still wondering about a boy named "Ash", he is impressed at his achievements despite having no knowledge of what she meant by "badges".]

That's great to hear. I hope I can meet them in the near future.

[Despite a few flaws regarding that promise, he hopes that it will happen.

But just before they can continue their conversation, Augustine suddenly realizes something as he takes out his Poke Ball.]

Oh, right. I need to take Modeste out for a while. I feel that she's might be mad for letting her coop up in this ball any longer.

[For the rest of his short, miserable life, Reiner is going to be grateful for this dream. He'll be grateful that he got to see Bertolt, that he got to touch him, that Bertolt is in his arms and holding on to him, and his grip tightens. For as long as the dream lasts, nothing is going to tear Bertolt away from him.]

[Nothing in this world, or the next. He's not going to lose him all over again.]

[When Reiner realizes Bertolt is crying too, he tries to get himself under control. He's always the stronger one, the dependable one--every time except the one time it really mattered--and he needs to get his shit together. He needs to be strong for Bertolt.]

Hey.

[His voice is froggy with tears, and Reiner sniffles a little.]

Hey, it's okay.

[He loosens his grip just enough to put one hand on the back of Bertolt's neck, even though the gesture makes fresh tears spring into his eyes.]

It's okay, I'm here. You're here. We're here.

[For as long as he can fight waking up, he's going to be here.]

[Snark aside, there is one more question he has in his mind right now.]

By the way, can you explain to me about your AI and functions?

[Because he knows that a talking belt only appears in Sci-Fi movies and such.]

I-I thought-- _{[Bertolt inhales sharply, and he's hit with Reiner. It's him - he doesn't smell the same as he remembers, not entirely, but it's him. All those months waiting, and he's finally here.

They're safe, and with both Reiner and Annie in this world now, he's never going back.]}

Almost eight months, Reiner.

_{[His voice hiccups, it breaks, and another sob takes over. It's not fair. And Reiner's hand going over his neck and across his nape makes him hold tight to Reiner with both hands, as if he's afraid he's going to vanish. That won't happen though, right? It can't.]} I-I thought I'd never see you again--!

Eight months?

[What is Bertolt talking about, eight months? It's been four years, and while Reiner doesn't expect Bertolt to know that, he doesn't get where this eight months thing is coming from.]

[He shifts back a little, not letting go but wanting to see Bertolt's face, and it strikes him that they're still the same size. Reiner knows he's gotten bigger, broader and stronger, since Bertolt's death, but Bertolt doesn't feel smaller to him. He feels exactly the same as he always has, and Reiner suddenly wonders if he's been yanked backwards in time, if everything that happened in Marley was all a terrible nightmare and he's about to wake up in their tent on Wall Maria.]

What are you talking about, eight months?

_{[Bertolt nods and sniffs, knowing he's probably getting snot all over Reiner's shirt but he doesn't care. He'll give him his sweater later if it's an issue.]}

I-I've been here for eight months.

_{[As much as he doesn't want to pull his head out of his shoulder, he only does when he has the chance to press his head against Reiner's. It's still so hard to believe even with him here in his arms and being able to feel his heartbeat, but it's something that Bertolt can't help.

There's a light shadow of black along his jaw, and while he hasn't gotten smaller, Bertolt has gotten bigger. He'll never be as broad as Reiner is, but there's still some muscle that he had been lacking back in their world before. Even his hair has gotten a little longer, but he's done his best to trim it without outright cutting it off. (He'll have to get it cut soon, though. It's been getting in his eyes lately.)}

I-I can't explain it, I-I just... Believe me. Please.

I believe you.

[Of course Reiner believes him. Anything that will keep Bertolt here, alive and awake and talking to him. Reiner will believe anything Bertolt tells him.]

You have a nice dog.

[It's a stupid comment, so completely and utterly inane, that Reiner finds himself chuckling a little. Everything he's wanted to say to Bertolt, everything he's wanted to tell him, and the only thing he can find to say is to talk about his dog.]

_{[At first, he doesn't say anything.

And then he laughs, his voice rough and Bertolt can't help it - he tilts his head and presses his lips against Reiner's temple. It's harmless and platonic, but it's all he could think to do. Sweet, perfect, golden Reiner.]}

H-He's such a jerk.

_{[To that? Marcel huffs and nooooooos. He is the bestest dog! He is no jerk!]}

[The sound of Bertolt laughing is the best thing Reiner has heard in a long, long time. He could listen to this every day for the rest of his life and never get tired of it.]

[But then Bertolt kisses him, and Reiner's heart jogs in his chest. Stupid, stupid, stupid, still carrying a torch for his childhood friend, for something that can never be. Reiner isn't a virgin any longer--there are always Marleyans willing to slum it with Eldians, even more so when it's with an Eldians that has a titan, someone they can beat and abuse and not have to worry about doing any permanent damage--but that simple, completely platonic kiss has his heart hammering like he's suddenly thirteen years old again and waking up in the barracks with Bertolt's arm thrown across his chest. So stupid, so very, very stupid, pining for so long after something that was never going to happen.]

He's not a jerk. He came when I whistled. Even brought me a stick.

[See? Good dog!]

The fact that you almost like... I don't know...

A HUMAN!

[He even waves his hands as a way to tell her about her current form.]

_{[Bertolt doesn't know what to do with his torch. It sits in his heart, but Bertolt has always been too afraid to lift it lest it end up extinguished by an outside force or worse, the person it's for. He doesn't want to think about a future where that happens, so instead of risking it, he keeps it safe.

He keeps it hidden from everyone but himself, his hands shielding the flames from prying eyes even when it burns and leaves him hurting. Bertolt can't be hurt by anyone else if they don't know, right?

Wiping at his eyes with the back of his wrist, Bertolt sniffles again and shakes his head.]}

He's so a jerk. He kicks me and Jean in our tent and he sprawls out across us and nearly suffocates me at night.

_{[But despite all of that, he doesn't sound upset by it. It's what makes Marcel who he is, and Bertolt wouldn't give him up for the world.]}

H-He'd bring anyone a stick if he liked them.

I should try to find him, then. [He gains a pleased expression when she asks about food.] Well, there are several fruits here that I have not tasted before. I have also been introduced to the spread known as peanut butter. It is tasty enough on its own, without being added to anything.

[Jean. Now there's someone Reiner hasn't thought about in a long time. Jean, who was almost kind when they were running from the woods with the entire force of the Survey Corps at their heels. Jean, who spoke up when Hange had had her blade at Reiner's throat, slicing into his neck. Jean, who had prevented Reiner's murder.]

[Jean, who should have kept his fucking mouth shut.]

Jean is here?

[Reiner tries to keep his voice level, but he can't help the tension that creeps into it. If Jean is here, that means others could be here too, and his grip tightens around Bertolt. Who? Who else is here?]

[Somewhere along the way, he stopped believing this was a dream, and maybe the faintest flame of hope fans in his chest. What if... what if this is real? What if he can stay? What if he and Bertolt can run away together, somewhere safe, and not be bothered by anyone else, ever again? What if this is a second chance?]

How?

[No seriously, how.]

... You did? Really?

[Wow -- small world, so to speak. That almost exactly described his own situation.]

I think if Haunter ever chose not to be, there wouldn't be much I could do about it. But... I think it likes me. Enough to mind, anyway.

...I see. He is not with you anymore, then?

_{[Were it anyone else, this is where Bertolt would be squirming in discomfort to try and escape.

Even when he protested back in the barracks, he never minded when Reiner squeezed his shoulder a little too tight when things got dicey, so he doesn't bat an eye when he feels Reiner's arms tightening around his ribcage. It's a dull ache, but it's a very welcome one.]}

Yeah.

_{[Bertolt hesitates for a few moments, then slowly brings his hands up to cover Reiner's nape and buries his face back into the crook of his neck. It's fine if he sits here like this, isn't it?]}

Jean's been here since a little before me. Eren and Armin are too. And Sasha. Krista just showed up the other day. They, uh... They don't remember everything like I do though. Krista knows what I know too, but... It's weird.

[Bertolt's hands on his nape almost get Reiner crying again. How dare you, Bert? How dare you protect him when he doesn't deserve it? He lets Bertolt keep his face in his neck, though, even as his arms tighten a little more. He's older now, and heavier, stronger. He doesn't even think about how he might be damaging Bertolt, assuming he can steam it all away.]

Eren.

[The word is like a curse on Reiner's lips, and his titan crackles under his skin, aching to escape.]

How much do they know? Are you a prisoner?

_{[Even if Reiner hurt him in some way, he wouldn't say a word. Even if he drew blood, Bertolt wouldn't say anything. He may never outweigh Reiner but if there was one thing he was proud of, it was that he could stand on even ground in a fight with him.]}

O-Only what happened during the expedition. Krista knows about Utgard, just like me. She told me about Ymir. _{[A beat, and he swipes his thumb across his nape, the action done without realizing it.]}

They don't know anything else.

_{[I'm okay.]}

[Reiner sighs, and his grip loosens. He doesn't let Bertolt go--for however long this lasts, he doesn't intend on letting him go--but he doesn't have a death grip on him anymore. He keeps his hand over Bertolt's nape, even as Bertolt tells him that they don't know. That he's safe.]

[But for how long?]

They're going to find out. [His voice is strained, filled with pain; this is another thing he doesn't talk about, another thing he can hardly admit to.] I'm going to fuck it up, and tell Eren, and...

[And oh gods, this hurts worse than he thought it would, and Reiner hides his face in Bertolt's shoulder.]

You're going to die, Bertolt. You're going to die saving me, and it's all my fault.

_{[By now? She's hardly surprised when she's plucked off the ground and swept up. As always... it's good to see her old friend again.]

[She knocks on his head.]}

Whoever we want.

Whaddya say we go find some gangsters and show 'em what for?

_{[You're going to die.

Of course he was. Bertolt knew for a long time that he'd die, and it wasn't even by his choice. They were all going to, and all they ever were and will be are short-lived mass murderers. Everyone else can grow old together, but not them.

They'd be lucky to see their mid twenties.

Hearing Reiner blaming himself makes him feel sick, and now it's Bertolt's turn to squeeze too tight. He's nauseous and it feels like a vice is squeezing at his innards, but he pushes himself past it. He has to.]}

...Tell me.

Gangsters? Since when do you have gangsters here?

[But please notice he's not saying no. Or telling her not to do that.]

[He is eyeing her a bit though.]

You have gotten taller.

[For something he's kept bottled up for years, Reiner finds the words coming easily now. Back when it had happened, he'd been too numb, too damaged, to speak of it, and there'd been talk that he looked like a victim of the Purity Titan. Zeke had had to give the reports, and it had only been when he'd described Bertolt as weak that Reiner had broken through his grief and spoken up.]

["He wasn't weak. He was braver than all the rest of us put together."]

[He'd been punished for that, and would have lost his titan over it if not for the war breaking out. Reiner doesn't think Zeke has ever really forgiven him for speaking out of turn.]

I... I was in my titan, and I got damaged. I was regenerating, but not fast enough. You... you were supposed to explode, to take out all our enemies, but...

[Reiner has to stop and swallow; he hadn't had the top of his head for most of this, but he can still see it. He had seen Bertolt's face and heard his voice when he hadn't even had eyes or ears, and Reiner shudders, hot tears leaking onto Bertolt's shoulder.]

You didn't explode. You stopped, and told me to roll over so the blast wouldn't kill me, and...

[And now he's really crying, fast and hard, soaking Bertolt's sweater. The little tree ghost thing that had been following Reiner comes closer and lays a cool, smoky hand on his shoulder.]

And I did, and I lived, but you... they got you. Our enemies got you, and if you hadn't stopped they wouldn't have, and why? Why did you stop for me?

_{[Zeke had always been terrifying to Bertolt. Even when he was friendly, he was still a frightening man.

As Reiner speaks, Bertolt keeps himself where he is - he doesn't move beyond rubbing at his nape, his thumb massaging the thick column of muscle at his neck. He hates seeing Reiner breaking like this, and Bertolt hates it even more knowing that he's the cause of it all.

Especially when he can feel Reiner's tears through both layers of clothing. That alone makes Bertolt bring the hand not at his neck up and into Reiner's hair to cradle his head, his body shaking with the effort to keep himself composed. A small part of him wants to cry liar, but he knows that the only one lying would be Bertolt. Reiner has never kept the truth from him, even when things were getting bad. He was always honest with him.

Why did you stop for me?]}

I don't...

_{Bertolt was the liar. He was unreliable, always deferring to Reiner when it came to big decisions. He always let him take charge, and look where that had gotten everyone. If Bertolt hadn't stood idle, then maybe they'd have been able to go home sooner.

He could tell him. Bertolt could tell him right here and now, why he'd stop for him. He could be crazy and impulsive and throw all of his cards on the table rather than keeping them close to his chest. He could be honest for once. He doesn't know why he'd stop in that situation, but at the same time he wants to believe he knows.]}

I... I couldn't lose you.

_{[Bertolt doesn't know how his future self thinks, but that's what he wants to believe.]}

FOURTH WALL MINGLE LOG

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