Video - Backdated to Yesterday

[thedifferencebetween]

...Well, I was gonna see about a pool party this weekend, but something tells me that's not gonna work out.

[Mostly Jack just wants to bitch about the weather.]

Seriously, what the shit is this? It's apparently everywhere, since I'm not the only one bitching about it. It was gorgeous this morning! I called my gardener, had him come over to put in some new flowers - I ordered yellow ones, but they came up freaking mustard colored - and wow, was that timing...

I mean okay, it was hilarious, watching him scramble when this started. He's just digging away in the backyard and all of a sudden BOOM! Everything's soaked, he's trying to get out of the rain, his Pokemon are scattering, he fell twice... I think he's still hiding in my shed, I dunno. Hope he likes angry Trubbish! Ha, of course he doesn't, nobody does!

But he better clean the yard when this is over. There's tracks all over it and I can see the remains of about a dozen flowers that ought to be in my dirt and not decomposing in a soggy mess beside my pool.

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[thedifferencebetween]

What do you think?

Ha, you should have seen him trying to get in the house. Like he was important people.

[moneylogues]

Ha, nice. Did you film any of it? Please say you filmed it.

[thedifferencebetween]

Felix, babe, who do you think you're talking to? Of course I filmed it, it was freaking hilarious. He's pounding on that siding door that goes to the backyard, getting soaked...

We're probably gonna need a new gardener.

[moneylogues]

Oh, hell yes. Knew I could count on you. Ha ha, shit, sucks to be that guy.

And, pffff, whatever. At this point they should know what to expect when they come to work here.

[thedifferencebetween]

We can all watch it later, maybe a remix. He was screaming so loud...oh shit, and you shoulda seen his Pokemon! Bet he won't be finding a couple of'em....

That's why they're paid!

[moneylogues]

Wow, alright. Straight up making this one of the worst days in this poor guy's life, huh? Which is absolutely not a complaint, you know I'm into it.

Won't take long for some other sap to take the job, I'm sure. Money does have that effect on people.

[thedifferencebetween]

Hey, not my fault he had'em out and a storm hit...who knows where the hell they ran off to?

[Well, Jack does. But this is public.]

It never does, this was like...the sixth one anyway. If they can't handle working for me, I'm better off without'em.

[moneylogues]

Right, yeah. It's crazy out there. Shit happens.

[Wow, this is definitely a really good cover.]

Some idiot's bound to stick around. You know, someone desperate enough for a paycheck. People will take all kinds of weird jobs.

Speaking from experience.

[thedifferencebetween]

This is why I don't let D.B. out in the yard by himself, ya never know what's gonna happen. Not that he can run far...or anyone would want to snatch him...but still.

And there's always another sucker waiting in the wings.

[moneylogues]

Yeah, I really don't think you have to worry about him. At all.

Ha, too true. [Now he's thinking about all this and it strikes him that, fucking with this dude's life aside, this is pretty... normal.] Man. You know what's never gonna stop being weird? Having a yard.

[thedifferencebetween]

Which is really kind of funny, considering...

Yeah? A man needs a yard, Felix. It's part of his castle, his domain! Plus you gotta have a place for a pool.

[moneylogues]

Hey, I'm all for pools. It was always kind of the goal, but I mean. I literally haven't had an actual house before this in like... fuck, I don't know, fucking ages. Since before I enlisted.

The glamorous life of a mercenary does not, as it turns out, come with great accommodations.

[thedifferencebetween]

Never really looked like it did. Lots of sleeping in shitty places.

But now you get to enjoy the good life! And it just keeps getting better.

[moneylogues]

Yeah, that's about right. Cramped apartments, cheap hotels, whatever the fuck is available on a spaceship, that sorta deal. And then trying to fit two people into that. Wasn't much better as a soldier or a bounty hunter either.

[Because bounty hunter was also a step in the process. Ah. His more lawful days.]

Hey, the one thing I'll never complain about is the quality of life here, trust me. Quality of this whole planet, sure, but that's different.

[thedifferencebetween]

Sucks to be past you!

No, I know what ya mean. I'm not where I wanna be, comfort level, but we're getting there.

Just you wait, babe.

[moneylogues]

Pfff, not that much. You get used to it.

...Well, okay, it sucked in the army, but everything sucks about the army. The UNSC is bullshit.

[Too many rules. Too much patriotism and people expecting him to lay his life down for shit he doesn't care about.]

Oh, I'm nothing if not patient. I know how the long game works.

[thedifferencebetween]

Well duh, you gotta do whatever some asshole tells you and people are always trying to shoot you or blow you up or whatever. The army's for suckers.

You and me both, hot stuff. Ya know, we probably ought to start looking for a nicer place... Upgrade.

[moneylogues]

Ha, right? Can you even fucking imagine me as a soldier now? Actually following every order and bullshit regulation? I barely even bother with protocol these days. Drives Locus fucking insane.

Bounty hunting was better, but you still gotta play way too nice with the law for my liking.

[Still just as much getting shot at.]

Yeah? You got something in mind?

[thedifferencebetween]

Not a good soldier.

See, you gotta get yourself to the point where you're the one making the laws.

Not really, just bigger. Nicer. Better neighborhood...

[moneylogues]

You'd be surprised. I was actually pretty good at it. But no reason to keep that shit up once I got out, right?

Ha, right, right. That's your style, isn't it? It's never really been my thing, I'm more the "do whatever the hell I want whether anyone agrees or not" kinda guy.

[Which has worked out super well for him, really.]

Bigger and nicer. Now those are things I can get behind, at least.

[thedifferencebetween]

Yeah, still can't picture it. I mean...okay, some of the aspects of soldiering I bet you were real good at. but the rest of it..

I don't like other people telling me what to do.