victory_road | Video Post: Saying Goodbye -- Backdated to last week

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Video Post: Saying Goodbye -- Backdated to last week

[When the video starts, there's no parade of excited Pokemon. Angel doesn't laugh as the feed clicks on, and none of her human friends come on screen to join her. For a long moment, she's quiet, stroking the soft head of a young Hoothoot. For those who care to look closely, Angel's eyes are puffy and rimming with yet unshed tears.]

I... do not know how many of you knew Athena. [Her voice was rough and worn, weighed down by her apparent grief.] But... her Pokemon appeared in my box this morning. She is not answering her 'gear. She's not... here with us.

[Angel shifted in order to wrap her arms around herself.]

It... is for that reason that I must conclude that she has left the region and gone home. [A breath, and a shaky one at that.] If nothing else, she is with her beloved now. We... can rejoice in that much.

[With that, Angel gracelessly shuts the feed off. Anyone who responds, however, will be responded to, though it may take some time.]

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Angel...

[It hurts seeing her sad.]

I'm sorry to hear about miss Athena. I had hoped to talked to her more than I did. [A beat.] Are you going to be all right?

Edited 2017-08-13 10:51 (UTC)

I... do not know.

[She continued to stroke the small bird's head, finding it a sufficient distraction from the gravity of the conversation. She had a thin grasp on her emotions, and focusing too much on the gravity of her words would undoubtedly send her over the edge.]

She was very dear to me. And a critical part of our group. I am not sure how we're going to continue.

It's hard. I know you never ended up meeting him, but a little while ago, Eren went home too. It's been really... strange not having him here.

[By strange he means hard and somewhat painful. And then confusing because it shouldn't be painful, right? It's not like Eren is dead. He's just home. He won't even know he and Armin were separated at all. And they all have their duties back home. So logically it shouldn't be that hard to deal with.

Logic doesn't actually work very well in convincing himself it doesn't hurt.]

I'm sorry.

[Another day and she might have had the strength to comfort Armin in full. Right now though, everything she could think up felt hollow and meaningless. How could she tell him that it would be alright for him when things didn't feel like they would ever be okay for her.]

No one should have to bear this weight.

[Eren has been gone for several weeks by now, enough for the sharp pain to grow into something dull, the same as it had when Mikasa had left. She is the one who needs comfort here, not him. Though, who knows, they might be able to draw some comfort from their shared experience.]

It gets a little easier... the longer they are gone. It doesn't go away, but it gets easier.

If my world -- or our worlds, I suppose -- were peaceful, perhaps it wouldn't be so bad. But I do not know what might happen to Athena back home. I presume it is the same way with Eren -- you do not know what harm might come to him.

[Worse still, Athena wouldn't even remember her. They'd never met back on Pandora. The Gladiator might have had an inkling of her existence, but they'd never come face to face. She couldn't even comfort herself knowing that her surrogate mother would still be thinking of her in a sense.]

I don't. He's-- They gave him a nickname during training, the other recruits I mean. They call him a suicidal bastard. And they are not wrong. Eren has a way of rushing into situations without thinking. He's been that way since we were kids. He got beaten up a lot on my behalf.

[So, yes, it is so very easy for Armin to imagine Eren getting into trouble back home. Hadn't the Female Titan just tried to kidnap him? She would've been successful too, if not for captain Levi.]

But if I start thinking like that, I'll freeze up. I won't be able to do anything. Which won't help him either. All I can do is trust that he will be all right.

I... would like to think Athena is better than that. You don't survive on Pandora if you are suicidal. But you also do not survive on Pandora if you are a tactician or a renowned warrior. Pandora will readily eat anyone alive.

[She shook her head. She was supposed to be focusing on comforting Armin. That would serve as distraction enough from her own swimming head.]

I have heard that we still exist in our worlds. I am... not sure how it works but... I am sure that there is an Armin there keeping an eye on him. And if that is true, then no harm will come to him.

You won't let that happen.

I'm so sorry, Angel.

[Cissnei hadn't ever met Athena but she considered Angel a friend and seeing the other young woman so upset...

The Turk's expression is a soft one--a gentle one as she addresses the other, cradling Cetra, her Alola Vulpix, in her arms.]

It's a sad situation no matter what but it's good to hear there's someone back home waiting for her, at least.

I... do not know what to say. She was like a mother to me -- both she and her wife.

[She winced. Was she not allowed to keep a mother figure in her life? First her powers had taken away her birth mother, then this place had ripped away the two women she had grown to adore.

It felt wrong to be so bitter about something that the world had been kind enough to give her in the first place, but wasn't that what grieving was about?]

I doubt she wanted to cause you any pain by leaving, Angel. It seems like it's never really a choice for anyone.

[Cissnei..isn't very good at this sort of thing, mostly because she doesn't have a lot of experience with loss. Hell, she still hadn't really come to terms with the loss she'd experienced back home.

But she was willing to try her best.]

...There's nothing wrong with being upset and at a loss for what to think or do, though. It's normal. [She smiles sadly, an expression that only lasts a moment.] Unfortunate..but normal.

No, I know she did not. [Athena had no reason to care about the siren at the beginning, and yet she had pledged herself to her from the get-go. Speaking solely from
a logical stand point, the gladiator was not the kind of person to leave a promise half-filled. Nor did she think Athena so cold as to have chosen to abandon her.]

Grieving is normal, I know that. But it feel as if I keep mourning those who try to take care of me, or get close to me.

It... makes me worry about the sort of person I am, and what associating with me brings.

It doesn't have anything to do with you as a person, Angel.

[It's said firmly as Cissnei shakes her head slightly.]

These things just happen sometimes, if everything I've heard is any indication. You've done nothing wrong and I'm pretty sure you aren't some sort of bad omen.

I wish I could believe you.

[A decade had done little to muffle those last screams though. That fateful moment had seared itself into her mind and shaped her way of thinking, thanks in part to the madman just a few towns away.]

Sorry. I... usually try to avoid this sort of pessimism but... It cannot be helped right now.

Everyone has their moments when they feel like that, Angel. Again, you don't have anything to apologize for.

[And she means it.]

Just know that you have friends here if you need to talk. Or even if you just need company so you aren't alone with your thoughts.

Thank you, Cissnei. We... have not known each other long, but you have already proven yourself to be an amazing friend.

[Granted, Angel's criteria for "amazing friend" was remarkably limited, but she liked to think that the point still stood.]

You talking to me now has helped, even if it does not seem like it. Thank you for that.

[Cissnei smiles softly, sincerely, as she nods.]

I appreciate that, Angel. I'm glad I could make you feel better as well. It's going to take awhile for the pain to ease but I have no doubts you're strong enough to get through it and also smart enough to know it's alright to lean on others until then.

If there's anything I can do from this point forward, don't hesitate to message me. I can get around pretty quickly these days thanks to some of the HMs I've obtained.

[Well, that was welcome jumping off point. Much as Angel wanted to believe Cissnei, it would take a bit longer for her words to sink in. In the meanwhile, going around in circles over the matter seemed like a waste of both of their time.

They'd spent long enough talking about the siren.]

You must have beaten a fair number of gyms to have achieved that honor. Which ones do you have?

[Cissnei knows from experience how nice it is to have a chance to break away from particular conversations. She's more than happy to give that opening and she's glad that Angel is taking it.]

Fly, strength and rock smash thus far. I have a few more gyms to hit up before I have the full set from Kanto. Fly has been extremely handy especially. I've had to make several trips to Johto as of late.

Sonovabitch!

[She manages to keep herself from totally losing control but it's clear this is a betrayal of the highest order.]

Where the hell does she think she's going huh? Back to that cute girl she likes? S'bullshit.

[Trailing off because obviously Athena would be happier with Springs.]

I wanted her to teach me how to sword fight.

If... that is what you want... [Angel sniffed, then looked to the Pokeballs at her side. Xiphos and Typhon were hers now -- another protector assigned to her after a kind soul familiar with her world had departed.]

Her Aegislash, Xiphos, probably could teach you.

I mean...I guess.

It wouldn't be the same but...thanks. I think I'll take you up on that.

Are you OK?

Just... let me know. I will get you two set up.

... Not really. Not right now, at least

Aw man I...

...geeze how can I help?

[Idea.]

OK! Give me a mission just like the old days. Something that will help you feel better. I don't care if I have to swim to Kanto I'll do it!

That's not...

[Part of Angel appreciated the reminder of the good ol' days. The other part cringed at the reminder at how she had used Gaige, Krieg and the rest of their flock.]

You do not have to do anything, Gaige. Just... talk to me.

OK sure...uh...

[Oh crap! Smalltalk! One of her many weaknesses.]

So um...OH! Your tattoos! Have I ever told you how awesome they look?

[She's blushing now. Totally awkward and not at all subtle.]

I was thinking of getting a tattoo myself I just can't decide if it should be a skull, or like a unicorn, or maybe some gears...any suggestions?

Oh, Angel.

[It's pretty clear what happened, but that doesn't make it any easier. Jean would never call Eren a friend, and he'd still been upset when Eren had disappeared.]

That's so shitty. I'm sorry.

It is. It's...

[On a better day, Angel might have worried that somehow, any sort of outburst she had might make it back to Jack. He had eyes and ears everywhere. Their relationship had gotten better, but in this moment of vulnerability, everything felt like it was out to get her.

She also couldn't bring herself to care if everything was out to get her.]

It's very shitty. I hate it, Jean.

I know. It's always hard when friends... leave.

[Or die. Or that.]

Is she... will she be okay back home?

I don't know. Pandora is awful, I am sure you have surmised as much. But Athena... [Athena was terrifying, and surely could overcome anything that got in her way. But Pandora had a habit of ripping apart even the best of soldiers.

She wanted to hope that the gladiator would come through. But she couldn't bring herself to truly believe it.]

Yeah... but Athena.

[She had made quite the impression on Jean, leaving him to think she'd be okay on her own.]

If it helps at all, she seemed like one of the most competent soldiers I've ever met. I think she would have gotten along pretty well with my Commander, if he'd ever showed up here.

[Gods, when was the last time he thought about Commander Erwin?]

[ Prompto doesn't know what to say. So, instead, he sends a video.

It's this, but with his Silvally. ]

[It didn't do much to hold back the flood of tears already forming behind her eyes, but as a few droplets streaked down her cheeks, Angel managed to form the tiniest of smiles.]

Thank you, Prompto. I believe I needed that.

Hey, no problem. [ Prompto says, softly. He didn't know Athena, but... he understands this feeling. The feeling of loss, that is. ] I've got more, if you want 'em?

Oh no...

[She's seen this scene before, heard the same words before. That doesn't make it any better, but she at least knows she can say something about it.

Which is to say, Rakka's expression was soft as she replied.]

I'm so sorry. People going home so suddenly is never fun, and if it's someone you like, that just makes it worse. [She knows how it is.]

[It was strange to hear a new voice in this time of grief and need. She had expected those who knew her to respond, but certainly not strangers. Then again, the point of her post was to inform, after all, and Angel wouldn't dare to assume that she knew the company that Athena kept.]

It... happened before. With Janey, her wife. I should have known that Athena would want to follow her.

[Wiping her eyes with the back of her hand, Angel did her best to steel herself for the time being.]

Did you know her?

[At some point, Rakka would have thought the same, the network was open to anyone, and Angel wasn't the only person that lost a few people in the past. She hadn't made a post about Dave, John, Dirk, and Karkat though. She'd just stayed in her room for a week.]

I... I might have talked to them a few times, I'm not sure. [She talks to a lot of people. Too many of them aren't here anymore.]

Were they both from the same place?

Yes. [At least there was a small comfort there. It wasn't like with some of the other people she had seen -- where their partners had disappeared and they were left with nothing but their memories. Janey and Athena were together before they came to this world, and would continue to be with one another on Pandora.]

They met each other on a mission, if I recall properly. I believe they were married before they even came here? But I could be wrong on that detail.

[It was hard to imagine them not being together, though.]

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Video Post: Saying Goodbye -- Backdated to last week

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