victory_road | [Video]

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[The video clicks on to show a snowy path that's actually rather picturesque. Anyone familiar with Johto would know that it's Route 43 heading towards Lake Rage. Someone's clearly taking a winter trip to the lake to get away from the city for a bit and enjoy nature and the peaceful atmosphere!

Yeah. Right.

A moment later a small Cleffa toddles into view followed by a rather irritated looking Flareon who's tail is way fluffier than normal and his ears are pressed flat to his head. The larger Pokemon darts ahead and attempts to block the Cleffa which seems to infuriate the little thing as it stops toddling and stomps it's feet. The Flareon snorts and dips it's head like it's about to gently bump the Cleffa and start to guide it back only to find itself promptly slapped by the little fairy.

Mr. Pickles jerks back blinking in surprise as he sits down rather suddenly, nose twitching as he tries to figure out what just happened.

The Cleffa turns around and notices the camera, puffing up it's cheeks then promptly starts screaming.

Turning the 'gear around, Vanitas comes into view now looking less than pleased.]

I'm pretty sure this stupid thing is broken. I'm never buying another egg from anyone.

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[Haha. Whoops.]

Ah. That can... happen sometimes. I rely on the parents to tell the species of the egg, and occasionally they--

[The gear shakes wildly for a few moments and there's a blur of pink and a shout of Phoebe--! before it refocuses on a Clefable who looks... kind of evil? Her bright eyes and wide grin call to mind a Gengar more than her own species.]

Clef, clefaaaable!

[THAT IS HER BABY AND IT'S SO PRECIOUS AND LOUD AND ALREADY RUINING THINGS!]

[Vanitas's eyes narrow as Ford appears.]

Yeah well apparently your Pokemon are assholes.

[He frowns as everything goes crazy for a moment then sighs and rolls his eyes when the hellspawn's mother appears.]

Of course you'd be thrilled.

[Nort, hearing her mother, stops screaming and now starts demanding to see Phoebe with little shrieks as she toddles over and starts pounding on Vanitas's legs. (Which is obvious by the way he glances down with an annoyed HEY!]

[Damn straight Phoebe is thrilled. Ford peers over her shoulder, apparently considering how best to try and get his 'gear back without tempting her to Fire Punch him in the mouth.]

Not all of them. Just a select few.

[Phoebe has the good graces to look obnoxiously pleased with herself. She takes great pride in being an asshole. Ford has tried to mellow her a little, but it's been long enough that he's given up. If she's going to get better, she's going to do it when she feels good and ready. He can't force it.]

[Vanitas finally relents and turns the 'gear so that Nort can see her mother and the Cleffa immediately let's out a high pitched shriek of delight.

MOTHER!]

Uh huh. Real convincing, old man.

[He doesn't bother to turn the camera away from his little hellspawn because honestly his head hurts enough as it is. And Nort's fine with this because she's quite content to just continue shrieking at her mother and telling her all about her new lackies.]

Maybe the poor thing is upset because it instinctively misses its real mother? Maybe she needs more cuddles?

[Hermione proceeds to coo at the cute little loud cleffa]

Aren't you just a cutie with a big voice? Yes you are! Is your trainer not giving you enough cuddles? Who could resist cuddling a cutiepie like you?

Yeah I don't think that's it.

[Oh god and now she's baby talking to it. Vanitas sighs then winces as Nort hears the baby talk and just starts screaming louder.]

Will you stop already?!

[Hermione huffed at his reply.]

Well you won't be able to tell with that attitude! No wonder the poor little thing is upset.

Babies feed off people's feelings you know. If you're upset or angry, they know and they get upset. People or pokemon, it's no different.

Isn't that right sweetie? Is the big meanie man upsetting you?

Oh yeah because it's totally my fault this thing is a hell-spawn! It hatched like this! She started screeching like a banshee as soon as she came out of her egg!

[Don't try and pin this crap on him! He may be a punk but there's no way this is his fault!

The Cleffa starts stomping her feet now and going into all out tantrum mode, the screams turning into babble now as she just starts yelling in Pokespeak.]

Great. Just great. Now she's probably cussing us out.

Well don't you think that tells you something since it happened right when she hatched?

[Hermione is almost yelling so that she can be heard over the sound of the cleffa]

She's probably very confused and doesn't understand what's going on. She is a baby after all. Getting angry and calling her names isn't going to help the situation. If you weren't willing to put in the hard work, you shouldn't have taken her in the first place. That's just irresponsible.

No I'm pretty sure she's just a little shit! I've had bratty Pokemon before but this isn't anything like that! She's been hitting and kicking every single one of my Pokemon and me!

[Vanitas glares at Hermione as the noise just gets worse.]

She's just a goddamn hellspawn!

[Hermione ignores the glare. She's used to that. He ain't got nothing on a dementor.]

She sounds like a perfectly normal toddler actually.

I think you need to discipline her like you would a child, otherwise she'll never learn that her behaviour outside of pokemon battles is unacceptable.

Perhaps there's a centre somewhere that runs discipline classes for pokemon you could look into? It might benefit both of you immensely.

Or I could just let her scream until she loses her voice then shut her in her Pokeball for awhile.

[Because honestly that sounds a lot better than sitting through some stupid hand holding class.

Nort seems to realize that Vanitas's attention is split and she let's out a shriek before suddenly there's a blast of fire as the little Cleffa uses Flamethrower. Vanitas let's out a yelp and his 'gear hits the ground as he attempts to put his pant leg out while Nort stomps over to the 'gear and glares daggers at Hermione.

QUIT DISTRACTING HER PERSON, LADY. HE NEEDS TO PAY ATTENTION TO HER NOT YOU!]

[Hermione looks aghast at the suggestion as the gear drops. She's not intimidated at all by the glaring, and just raises her voice more so that he can hear her.]

Don't you dare! That's just going to delay the problem and probably make it much worse.

You completely deserved that Flamethrower for even thinking that!

If I find out you've gone down that road, I will officially report you for pokemon cruelty. If you don't want to even try to care for her, then give her to someone who will at least make the effort!

[Oh. OH. YOU'RE JUST GOING TO IGNORE HER?!

The little Cleffa has had enough of that and stomps her foot one more time before she let's out a piercing shriek to try and drown out what Hermione is saying because HOW. DARE. YOU.

Vanitas only hears about half of what the girl is trying to say before he's covering his ears now that his leg is no longer on fire, cursing up a storm as he stands a few feet back from Nort and the 'gear.]

NORT. SHUT. UP.

[Nope. There's no end in sight. The little ball of hate is just going to keep shrieking.]

[Even Hermione has to wince at the incredible high pitch tones this Cleffa can reach. Seriously, how can such a small thing produce those kinds of noises?]

IT'S OKAY SWEETIE. YOU WERE RIGHT TO TELL HIM OFF. HE'S JUST SAYING THINGS WITHOUT THINKING FIRST, like a typical boy.

[She glares at Vanitas and then musters all the sarcasm she can.]

YOUR TACTICS SEEM TO BE WORKING EXTREMELY WELL.

[Hermione fiddles with her gear for a moment before sending Vanitas a large file entitled The Power of Positive Pokemon Training by Mat Piller.]

HERE. YOU MIGHT FIND IT USEFUL SINCE YOU'RE MISTER POSITIVITY OVER THERE.

[Is she--does she not--DOES SHE NOT GET THAT THIS STUPID CLEFFA IS A HELL SPAWN?!

Vanitas is momentarily shocked and has to kind of collect himself despite Nort's screaming but once he gets his thoughts together he grabs the 'gear and scoops up the Cleffa which, thankfully, prompts her to stop shrieking for a moment.

If only because she stands pounding on his chest and babbling up an angry storm.]

YOU THINK THIS IS MY FAULT?! THE PERSON THAT BRED HER HAS A PSYCHO CLEFABLE! I ASKED FOR A TOGEPI AND THIS IS WHAT I GOT INSTEAD!

[Hermione's ears are still ringing but she maintains her glare. At least the Cleffa seemed to be slightly happier now that she'd been picked up, and now Hermione can talk in a more normal, socially acceptable voice.]

See? She just wanted some attention, that wasn't so hard was it?

It doesn't matter that there was a bit of a mix up - you have two choices. Contact the breeder and get some advice on managing her, or request a trade for a Togepi which you should be entitled to since you requested one. Or at least the breeder should offer you a free one, if you decide to keep Cleffa.

[Which he should as long as he cares for her properly. Because Hermione is going to be keeping tabs on him JUST IN CASE.]

[Happier??? This is happier to you?? She's still acting like a little demon in Vanitas's opinion!]

She always wants attention. She was mad because you were trying to hog all the attention by lecturing me.

Like I'd take another egg from that guy! The Togepis could be just as bad!

[Please note he says nothing about giving Nort back. This is his little shithead and he's going to keep her even if it means having to deal with her tantrums.]

[Hermione all but throws up her hands.]

Perhaps this whole mess could have been avoided if you had actually picked her up at the start like I suggested.

[Hermione mutters under her breath.]

Boys, honestly...

Well since there's at least been a moderate improvement, I'll let you get back to actually attending her. But if I hear you've been shirking your responsibilities, I will report you.

She didn't want to be picked up before she wanted to kick my ass before!

[This girl. Oh he was going to punch her if he ever--]

Report me?! Report me to who!?

[In his arm Nort was starting to get mad again because OH NO. OH NO YOU WERE NOT IGNORING HER IN FAVOR OF THAT STUPID GIRL. Puffing her cheeks out, the Cleffa let out a piercing shriek that had Vanitas wincing. He started to yell at her but realized a second too late that the air around them was crackling oddly.

Nort had used Metronome which rolled her Thunder.

With a sharp crash Vanitas and the 'gear are both hit and he can he heard yelp-cursing before the 'gear goes dead with a fizzle of electricity.

Well. That sure did happen.]

[ Zorya runs up to Mr. Pickles, chittering and scolding the Flareon for daring try to tell the little Cleffa what to do. Nort could do what she wanted! And if Pickles tried that crap again? A little shiv flicks out, the Pikachu's cheeks flickering with electricity. She will cut all your fur off in the night and wear it as a coat!

Yuri was doing his best not to laugh. He really was. He cleared his throat and wiped his hand over his mouth before tucking it back into his pocket. His hair was in a messy half braid bun today and possibly hidden in there was a Joltik but it was unclear. ]

Um, I think she's pretty fitting to you, Van. And Zorya seems to like her. Let's be honest, who was the last Pokemon Zorya actually liked? Oh right, no one.

[Fluffing up rather indignantly, Mr. Pickles scoffs at Zorya and rights himself again, turning his chin up at the Pikachu and her shiv before prancing off back towards his beau Remnant. Fine! You deal with that crazy little baby Pokemon!

Vanitas side-eyed Yuri though he wasn't mad at the blonde; he was just frustrated with the situation in general. This wasn't even the Pokemon he'd asked for!]

Gee, thanks. At least Zorya approves. That means a whole lot. [Dry tone is dry.

Nort looks between them with a glare then screeches, stomping her foot. WHY AREN'T YOU PAYING ATTENTION.]

[ Yuri wasn't sorry. It was amusing to him that Vanitas ended up with such a little shit of a Pokemon. It was only fair, Yuri had been dealing with Zorya for weeks. Now Vanitas could experience bratty baby Pokemon to the fullest. ]

It should! Maybe you can have a babysitter when you need a break. You know, it's still a fai--

[ He puts a finger in one ear as Nort begins screeching. Unfortunately Zorya decided that Nort did need the most attention and turns , sparks flying as she lets out a piercing CHUUU ]

Alternatively... You could just.. I ...YOU COULD JUST PUT HER BACK IN HER BALL?

[Nort stops screeching when Zorya sparks at her, the Cleffa staring at the offending Pikachu for a long moment before she seems to bristle. In the next moment she darts forward and slaps the Pikachu in the chest with all her might--which isn't much considering how small she is--screeching like the hell spawn she is.

HOW DARE YOU.]

Every time I do she just breaks out again! YOU THINK I HAVEN'T TRIED?!

[Zorya gasps at the Cleffa. Sparks fly for a moment before she decides this was still just the personality she liked.]

I'm helping you! Get on my head so you can hit them higher!

[She bends down so its easier. Yuri was busy shouting at Vanitas to notice.]

TRY DUCT TAPE!? OR STICK THE BALL IN A BOX OR SOMETHING!!

[Nort glares at Zorya for a split second before she seems to decide the Pikachu can stay for now. She gives a shriek of approval and clambers up onto the other Pokemon, wobbling a bit before finding her balancing and promptly starting up her shrieking again.

Her trainer winces, reaching up now to cover his ears.]

PRETTY SURE THAT'S POKEMON ABUSE OR SOME CRAP.

[This was awesome. Zorya joins in again, little hands balled into fists. They were GOING to be noticed dammit!!]

I'M SURE PUNTING IT IS TOO BUT AT LEAST ITS NOT AS VIOLENT. HOLY MOTHER OF-- ZORYA, SHUT UP!

[Vanitas just turns and starts walking away, his head aching from all the screeching.]

That's it! I'm done! They can go back to the wild! I don't want them!

[Beside Zorya, Nort stopped her shrieking and wobbled on her perch, staring after her trainer before letting out some violent Pokespeak that was most likely a lot of curse words.

HOW DARE YOU WALK AWAY.]

ZORYA ISN'T FROM THE WILD!!

[ Oh, wait they stopped. But even Yuri's ears were burning because he had a feeling what that Cleffa was saying was not kind. ]

[ Zorya wasn't going to let this happen. Sparks start flying from her cheeks, readying to give Vanitas a mighty zap but Yuri quickly grabs her up. He feels his hair standing on end from the electricity building. ]

NO. No, BAD! If you do that you can't go see Mr. Newt!

[ YOU. TRAITOROUS. BLOND. PIECE OF-- ]

[Nort hit the ground when Yuri scooped Zorya up and oh that just wasn't nice. That wasn't nice at all.

The raging pink ball of hate immediately start screeching again, pounding her little fists into the ground as her volume increased exponentially.

Vanitas groaned and wheeled around to give Yuri the most exasperated look he could muster.]

REALLY?!

FINE, NEXT TIME SHE CAN ELECTROCUTE YOU TO DEATH!!

[Oh how dare he protect you from physical harm, Vanitas! Yuri releases Zorya who runs back over to Nort. She pats her paws gently on the Cleffa before turning to zap the ground around Yuri as a warning.]

HEY!!

[Hunk has been having trouble with his own newly hatched Cleffa, so he's a bit relieved to see someone else struggling with one.]

Are they all like this? Chuchule is also rather... intense.

[Hearing her name, said Cleffa comes barreling into the room. Guess she got bored of harassing her poor teammates. Hunk visibly tenses as he looks down at the tiny fairy Pokemon.

What are you saying about her? Huh? Huh? You talking shit big human???]

[Vanitas can't help but snort dryly at the sight of Hunk's Cleffa barging in like that.]

So you got a hell spawn too, huh?

[Nort stops her screeching when he says that and marches over, promptly kicking him in the shins and demanding in a shrieking squeal to see the 'gear.

SHE WANTS TO SEE HER SIBLING.]

Ow! Knock it off, Nort!

[Chuchule hears the shrieks, and immediately recognizes it as belonging to a brood sibling. She starts to squeal in return and Hunk quickly kneels down, holding the gear out for her to look at.]

Is it because of their parents? Or are all Cleffa just inherently sassy?

[When the baby Cleffa sees the scary faced human, instead of her sister, she starts smacking the gear.

WHERE IS MY SISTER? SHOW HER TO ME! NOW NOW NOW?!]

No idea. This isn't even what I asked for. I wanted a Togepi and this is what I ended up with.

[He winces again as he's kicked in the shin by his little hell-spawn once more and with a sharp "FINE!" that's probably aimed at both Cleffa's, he kneels down.

Immediately Nort is shoving at his arm and moving it so she can see the 'gear and let's out a high pitched squeal when she sees her sister.

SISTER!]

[Hunk winces as his own Cleffa makes a similar noise, practically bouncing with joy at seeing her sibling.

SISTER! SISTER!! YOU LOOK SO STUNNING SO BEAUTIFUL! IT IS SO GOOD TO SEE YOU!! ARE YOU WELL? IS YOUR HUMAN TAKING CARE OF YOU?]

I was just excited to get an egg, and hatch a baby thing for the first time since I'm supposed to be a breeder... now I'm wondering if I can do a career change.

[YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL AS WELL, SISTER. HER HUMAN IS OKAY BUT SHE STILL HAS TO TRAIN HIM BETTER. HOW IS YOURS? DOES SHE HAVE TO COME BEAT HIM UP?]

They aren't usually this bad, I promise. I've hatched eggs I've gotten from other people and I've never gotten a crazy hellspawn like this before. Just don't buy from that crazy old man anymore is my advice.

[HER HUMAN IS ALSO OKAY, BUT HE TOO NEEDS MORE TRAINING. ONCE HE LEARNS WHO THE REAL BOSS IS THERE SHOULDN'T BE ANY MORE PROBLEMS!!]

Lesson definitely learned. That guy seemed pretty chill though, so I'm surprised they've turned out this way. My gut didn't even seem to feel worried about it, but since I'll always have this little gal now I won't be able to ever really forget that he's in the no-no zone. I am kind of at a loss of what to do. I don't really like having my friends in those tiny little balls, but... she's such a handful.

[There's the sound of a slap and Hunk cries out in pain.]

Oww!! Chuchule!! What have I said about hitting people!?

[GOOD. IF YOU NEED HELP LET HER KNOW BECAUSE SHE WILL GLADLY DO WHAT SHE CAN TO PUT HIM IN HIS PLACE. HER OWN HUMAN HAS BEEN BENDING TO HER WILL QUITE WELL.]

Yeah, I know the feel--

[Vanitas can't help but wince slightly in sympathy.]

See? Hellspawn.

[Nort wheels on him and kicks him in the shin, earning a yelp from Vanitas as he stumbles and sends the 'gear tumbling sideways.]

Dammit! What was that for you little shit?!

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[Video] I'm so sorry for these two

[Video] don't be, this is hilarious - also you're in for an earful now...

[Video] omfg Hermione

[Video] I'm dying XD

[Video] Oh god I can't breathe

[Video] Best thread ever

[Video] This has brought me so much joy holy crap

[Video] haha same!

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