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[While most people are still asleep, Lance is on the grind. Like, literally. He's standing in the bathroom of the Attack on Voltron house, clad in the Starmiebucks' uniform with the nice circular logo of a Starmie in the center of the apron, flashing a dazzlingly white smile at the camera even if it's just after dawn and most people are still asleep and the poor souls who are awake aren't even thinking about popping fingerguns at the network like he's actually doing right now, oh my god. His hair is laid and his face is moisturized to perfection, sunscreen and high quality lip balm and all. Someone's gotta make the Latias Lattes and it's gonna be him. Lance might as well look good while doing so.]

Hello, world! I'm Lance and this is my announcement that today, the best leg of Voltron, the right blue one, is gainfully employed at your local Starmiebucks. [He cups his ear, feigning deafness because he's also dramatic as well as being a moron.] Wait? What's that? What's Voltron? Oh, just a gigantic robot that's currently saving the entire universe back at home, one Galra at a time.

[Christ, who was idiot who hired this braggart fool? Fire them and him.]

Anyway, this week, we're running a half-priced special on your favorite Pokéccino and with every one purchased by a pretty face, you get a chance to win a date with me, Lance the Blue Pala-

[Enjoy that sudden high pitched shrill scream that can probably be heard for miles as the 'gear clatters to the floor and the sound of Lance scrambling along the floor is heard following it. All the camera catches is one blue tentacle slowly retreating back behind the shower curtain, leaving droplets of water in its wake.]

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So you're an expert on self love, huh?

You realize you walked right into that.

Oh, Shiro usually puts suntan lotion on my back for me.

[Armin comes from a world where suntan lotion doesn't even exist. It's not something he worries about (what is cancer even??), but Shiro cares.]

Though I am not sure if his hands are particularly skilled at it...

[Please do not mistake the absence of laughter in this video communication for the actual absence of laughter. For once, Krieg is practicing some tact and not opening the communication channel until after he's got the gut-busting laughter well under control.]

Did Sugar forget to tell you about the bathtub Shell Squid?

[...With that said, though, he definitely sounds like a man who's just been laughing.]

You know, while I suppose it does have good lighting, perhaps a bathroom isn't the best choice for recording a message like that...

*though it sure is hilarious in this case*

[Lance turns as red as one his tan color can be at the realization that he not only did he indeed walk right into that, but Korra called him out to his face about it and oh god he is really not doing well with anything today.

He drags his hands over his face, groaning deeply and mournfully.]

Let the dragon eat me.

Are you doing okay? I mean, moneywise and all.

[He doesn't have much to send, what little he was originally supplied with and what Shiro lent him, but if Yuuko needs something, Lance won't hesitate.]

Starmiebucks is still looking for people. I could put in a good word for you.

You said "we sleep there." Did you split into two or something?

[Lance chuckles at his own joke, glancing away at the horror that is Shiro's taste in undies, making sure Shiro can't see him rolling his eyes a little bit. After all, he's still a teenager.

He'd argue about hell is a place and not a curse, but Blue, oh precious Blue, comes barging in much like his trainer did earlier, but brandishing cookware as a weapon.]

Whoa, hey, what's with the frying pan?!

Shiro does it for you? You know him?

[That's it. There's no way Lance can compete with Shiro. Heck, he didn't even know Shiro was smooth like that. And have you seen his muscles? This skinny dork has no chance with this babe.

Lance looks defeated, the way one looks like when they get the wind knocked out of their sails.]

So are you guys like... together?

[ ... oh @#$% ... he did say we ... ]

[Well! Fortunately! Blue is here! Blue is helping! Sort of. The Gallade is here to try and defend his hero, but... well. There's clearly nothing to defend Lance from. So Blue sort of stands there, in the middle of the bathroom, baffled.]

[Sheepishly lowering the frying pan.]

... he's trying to help. Blue -- go back to bed. Lance is fine. I checked.

[Blue shoots him a very, very disbelieving look.]

He's fine. Normal fine. Not... me-fine.

[Uh, well, maybe Krieg should have opened with the laughter because that is a very unexpected visage Lance is greeted with. He ain't saying the man's ugly, just the hose mask thing is a little unexpected.]

Sugar?

[Lance looks confused as hell for a bit and then realizes this guy means Shiro. Wow. How did we go from Shiro to Sugar?]

Did you just call Shiro Sugar?

[Shiro's muscles are pretty amazing, tbh. Armin often looks at them with longing. Mainly the sort of longing to also have arm muscles. He doesn't need them to be as big as Shiro's, but maybe something to make his arms a bit less noodly...]

We live together if that is what you are asking.

Everybody's a critic.

[Grumble grumble. Don't worry about Lance. His ego is just bruised to hell and back. He'll be salty all day.]

It's early, okay. I didn't have many lighting choices.

Well, but what sort of impression were you trying to give? Or were you specifically looking to interest people who find a bathroom appealing?

*he miiight be teasing a little*

[Like seriously, Shiro. He knows he's a ladies man, but your girl would totally be safe around him! He respects boundaries! Where is the respect between Paladins? Why did this place change his friends so much?]

What? Shiro didn't tell me that! He only told me a bunch of guys lived here. Nothing about a girl!

[And there you go. In Lance's tantrum over possibly being misled by one of his best bros, he broadcasts to the world that he's mistaken this man for a woman. It's Pidge in reverse.]

HA! Now that is a priceless reaction face.

[Korra laughs loudly.]

Okay, we're even now. No, no feeding you to my dragon. Or my giant dinosaur. Or any of my other giant Pokemon.

[And that's a line of conversation that probably won't go anywhere because all eyes are on the Gallade with the frying pan. Lance had no clue Pokemon could do things like that so it's a little bit of a shock. It's like the only thing they can't do is speak like humans.]

Hey, Blue. Shiro's right. I'm okay, see?

[Lance holds out his arms for Blue to inspect for any injuries.]

But thanks for coming to my aid.

[Now he's holding out his fist for Blue to pound. Come on. Don't leave your hero hanging.]

It had nothing to do with the bathroom! It's all about me and my new job. They don't need proper lighting for that.

[Everybody's teasing him today. That's it. He's going to go to work and eat his feelings on whatever freebies he can get and come home and lock himself in his still mostly bare room. This place is terrible.]

Perhaps you didn't think it did, but what would someone watching it think? Especially if it's their first impression of you...

*yeah, definitely teasing ~~and maybe giving a little advice in there too~~*

[It's been a while since Armin has last been mistaken for a girl and he really had hoped he had grown out of it. Puberty had come (tiny growth spurt and all) and surely he wasn't that girly anymore? Wrong apparently.]

... I am a guy though.

[Okay well here's some additional laughter. It's loud, comes straight from the gut, and is just a teeny bit unhinged.]

Pfffmnahahahahaha! Sure did!

[Any question Lance may ask as to why will likely not be met with any sort of explanation. He's welcome to try, though.]

.[Before anything else can happen, a very tired Matt stumbles into the bathroom in his boxers (with Lunatones on, even!) blinking at the light and noise.]

wha's going on?

[He's never been very good before his coffee.]

I jus' got to sleep, 'Kashi, and now someone's screaming. Did a girl move in when I wasn't paying attention?

[Well, it's not like the Pokegear comes with a height note for people on the other side of the camera, so could anybody blame Lance for getting mixed up? Yeah, pretty much everybody could. The boy ain't too bright sometimes. Starts thinking with the wrong head and here he is, looking like a fool.

A fool with his mouth gaped open.]

Uh... what?

[He heard what this guy said, but Lance seems like repetition would do him some good.]

[Blue looks like he just straight up won the pokemon lottery. His Gallade eyes go wide, and he clasps that hand. Tightly. Like he's accepting some kind of award. He might even have gone a little misty-eyed.]

[... yes he'll give Lance a fist pound, but first he has to be grateful this is even happening. Shiro just sighs, waiting until this is all done with so everyone can either go to work or back to be--]

[oh]

[oh @%$#. again.]

Matt.

Hi.

Lance is. Here now. [IT'S TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING FOR THIS EMBARRASSMENT.] Sorry. I forgot your schedule. For a second.

[What does Armin have to do? Walk around shirtless all day?]

I'm not a girl.

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