victory_road |

[Here, before your lovely eyes, is a man swaddled in a blue silk robe that looks expensive (and it probably is considering Lance has self-care spending problems) with a white towel wrapped perfectly around his head. His skin is a nicely sun-bronzed brown under the green stuff smeared all over it, a face mask concoction mixed up on Lance's own, but he grins at the camera as if he's dressed in his Sunday best.]

Hey guys! How's winter treating you? Actually, a better question is, how is winter treating your skin? Your hair? Are you taking care of them? Are you taking care of you?

[Lance shakes his head slowly, looking heartbroken over the likelihood too many of the trainers out there will say no.]

So here's my idea: something for those who want to learn the finer arts of self-care. Beauty. How to tell that cowlick to get the fuck out of here, you're messing up my selfies. A club kinda thing? Yes, we have spas here and as someone who's visited them all in my years here, they're... okay. But they aren't hitting the way I want them to. Plus they're expensive and I'm sure most of you guys won't want to drop that many Pokedollars on a one hour massage. Not to mention, they have to be intimidating if you don't know what you want or like. Trust me, I feel you.

How about it? A nice little gathering of likeminded souls who appreciate or want to appreciate pedicures and manicures and scalp massages in between all the Pokemon battling. People who want to learn how to make their own high quality deep conditioners from stuff found in their kitchen. People who are interested in learning how to moisturize not only their hands, but their elbows and knees and every other part of their body.

[The view quickly cuts to the side view of Lance who turns his head towards the second camera, eyes blazing with judgement, because of course he has a Staryutube type set up.]

Armin, I'm looking at you.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[WHY? THAT'S WHY SHE GOT LANCE. TO DO IT FOR HER.]

I don't know and to be honest, it keeps me up at night. [Not when he needs his beauty sleep to prevent wrinkles!]

Good, we need someone with your glitter skills. Also my hair is curly so someone with knowledge of straight hair would work too.

You poor thing. We must get you well-rested at once.

[Lightly teasing? Yes, he is. He missed chatting with you buddy.]

I must admit, however, before this world, I was not familiar with any sort of hair, but I shall do my best.

Oh god, is it visible?

[Lance pokes at his undereye area, having mini flashbacks of that time they were all stuck floating in space, tangled to each other, and not getting a wink of sleep. The dark circles camped out there for what felt like forever.]

That's a decent excuse. Can't know about haircare if they didn't program it into you. But! The point is that you were open to learning and you learned! And now look at your hair! Worthy of a shampoo commercial!

[Lance is definitely Maru's hype man, if not overdramatic.]

No, no. Not yet. Only audible.

[It's in your voice, bro, only that. Don't worry. He'd tell you if you had dark circles going on.]

Why thank you. I could say the very same of your lustrous locks. [... They're both over dramatic.] It does need another bit of dye, if we're being honest.

But I'm happy to lend my aid as needed.

[Lance sobs softly. First stage is audible. The next stage isn't too far behind. He'll definitely up his eye cream usage now.]

It's not bad, but I can do it for you. I have some purple that hasn't been used since my roommate is on the road. And you can also try this new conditioner I mixed up. Be my guinea pig.

[Lance you diva.]

I have some tea that works wonders for a sleepless night. I can have it sent to you immediately, if you need.

I would be honored to be your experiment.

[That's a compliment, you know!]

Thanks, man. You're a good friend to me. [Honestly. Who else understands his slight, okay full, obsession with beauty care?] My place or yours? Or should we wait and see if we get any other interested folks and use it as an instructional course thing?

Edited 2021-03-07 08:28 (UTC)

[Two divas in a pod.]

Ah... every time you say so, I feel my AI spark.

[He means that in the best way possible, okay. Friendships are uh. They're hard for him, okay.]

Mm, perhaps we wait. However, my home is always open to you, should you need it.

Sir, I am a married man. You can't say kinky things like that to me, not before you buy me dinner anyway.

[And wholly teasing. The trollish grin cracking through the green goo on his face says that much.]

Good to know. I'm hoping we might get more people interested sooner or later that we'll have to rent a space out, but I'm keeping my expectations low.

You are, and I entirely respect it. [He huffs, though, folding his arms.] Someone insinuated you weren't, recently! Of all the things, to question your loyalty simply because you were married. I had none of it.

[He'd kind of gone off.]

Why would you? You're a charismatic individual, knowledgeable in this topic.

Someone did what? Do I even know them?

[He's offended too, but he know Maru's got his back.]

I am, I am, but remember, people who don't brush their hair. There's more of them than us.

I've no idea. I've never met them before then - but they dared insinuate that simply because you're married, you'll tire of your partner, and thus attempt to seduce me.

[He says it very matter-of-fact but in the "can you believe this shit" way. Because he clearly doesn't.]

How unfortunate. Perhaps they can be swayed.

Like dude, don't get me wrong. You're hot, but I got married for a reason. And I don't cheat. Besides, if I didn't, Pidge would murder me in my sleep and right now, I enjoy living and sleeping soundly. Who was this clown that said this shit anyway?

[Lance is ready to rumble!]

Sometimes, but other times, we have to take the brush into our own hands. I should know. I'm hitched to one of those folks.

[Lord knows if Lance didn't brush Pidge's hair for her daily, she'd have a Pidgey nest up there.]

I'm... flattered, but I have no desire to woo you away from your partner. None whatsoever. It's an abhorrent thing to do. But, alas, for his name, I never received one.

[Don't fight, Lance, the stress will give you wrinkles.]

Do they not appreciate your efforts?

Good. As long as we're clear I don't cheat and you're not interested in being my side piece, then we don't need to worry about this no-name jerkoff.

[Too late! He's a space wartorn fighter! Is there a Pokemon equivalent to Botox here?]

She does. It's not that she doesn't appreciate it, it's just that... Pidge isn't like other girls. Our age or older.

My dear friend, I have always been clear on such a point.

[Seriously, the idea of Lance doing either of those things had literally never occurred to him.]

How so?

[Secretly, Lance is glad to have Maru in his corner. It's good to know someone thinks so highly of you.]

She's not girly. At all. She doesn't care about makeup or dresses or boys or parties or anything like that. In fact, when I first met her, I thought she was a boy. If it's not science or tech, she doesn't pay much attention to it.

[If anything, all this relationship proves is that opposites do attract.]

Ahhh, I see. And convincing her of the science of self-care is not helpful?

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