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[spacebaloney]

[Here, before your lovely eyes, is a man swaddled in a blue silk robe that looks expensive (and it probably is considering Lance has self-care spending problems) with a white towel wrapped perfectly around his head. His skin is a nicely sun-bronzed brown under the green stuff smeared all over it, a face mask concoction mixed up on Lance's own, but he grins at the camera as if he's dressed in his Sunday best.]

Hey guys! How's winter treating you? Actually, a better question is, how is winter treating your skin? Your hair? Are you taking care of them? Are you taking care of you?

[Lance shakes his head slowly, looking heartbroken over the likelihood too many of the trainers out there will say no.]

So here's my idea: something for those who want to learn the finer arts of self-care. Beauty. How to tell that cowlick to get the fuck out of here, you're messing up my selfies. A club kinda thing? Yes, we have spas here and as someone who's visited them all in my years here, they're... okay. But they aren't hitting the way I want them to. Plus they're expensive and I'm sure most of you guys won't want to drop that many Pokedollars on a one hour massage. Not to mention, they have to be intimidating if you don't know what you want or like. Trust me, I feel you.

How about it? A nice little gathering of likeminded souls who appreciate or want to appreciate pedicures and manicures and scalp massages in between all the Pokemon battling. People who want to learn how to make their own high quality deep conditioners from stuff found in their kitchen. People who are interested in learning how to moisturize not only their hands, but their elbows and knees and every other part of their body.

[The view quickly cuts to the side view of Lance who turns his head towards the second camera, eyes blazing with judgement, because of course he has a Staryutube type set up.]

Armin, I'm looking at you.

Comments

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[schachmeister]

... is this about my elbows again?

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[spacebaloney]

And your knees. And the fact you're using a 2-in-1 shampoo... You've got to do better, Armin. You have a girlfriend now!

[Has this been simmering on his mind for the last month? Perhaps. Definitely.]

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[schachmeister]

We got together when I was doing none of these things, so doesn't that mean Angel doesn't care about those sorts of things?

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[shiro2hero]

What's wrong with Armin?

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[spacebaloney]

He's ashy. And he only uses lotion on his hands, not anywhere else. Shiro, he's not even moisturizing his face!

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[shiro2hero]

Ashy...?

Are you serious? About the elbow thing?

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[sassymaru]

A club for caring for oneself?

How delightful. Do you need assistance?

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[spacebaloney]

Bro, I could use some. I'm surrounded by people who barely brush their hair.

[Sorry, Pidge. He loves you, but... you got issues.]

I need more people who can appreciate the difference between a scalp scaler and a scalp tincture.

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[sassymaru]

[BRUSH YOUR HAIR, PIDGE.]

How do they survive? That sounds dreadful.

In that case, I am at your disposal. You sound as if you need all the assistance you can get.

[fearinahandfulof]

What's a cowlick?

[Cassandra, no.]

[spacebaloney]

It's a part of your hair that doesn't lay with the rest of it.

[He pulls the towel off and leans down so the top of his head shows, a very evident cowlick sticking up from his crown.]

Like this.

[fearinahandfulof]

Oh.

[Cassandra doesn't think she has one of those.]

I didn't realize there was a name for that.

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[epitaffio]

[Oh hey, it's that guy he bought the body lotion for! He's really into this self-care stuff, huh? Just like the other guy said...]

That's a fun idea. I don't know about joining a club, but scalp massages sound like they might be nice... Those are supposed to help with headaches, right?

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[spacebaloney]

[Whoever guided Doppio is a genius. He went through that lotion like water.]

They can! I'm ain't a doctor, but when my mom did it for me, it worked so I'm not going to say they don't.

[epitaffio]

… Can you give yourself a scalp massage, though? [wait is that a dumb question] In case there’s nobody else who can do it for you? Oh, or maybe you can teach your Pokémon to do it!

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[zukeini]

[Oh don't mind Zuke, he just saw this and HAD to exclaim his opinion.]

Hey, you know it. Self care is important. For the mind and the body. It's really important to take care of what you have. Hair, nails, skin, all of it!

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[spacebaloney]

[He doesn't mind Zuke at all. Lance actually welcomes someone who can understand.]

Thank. You. Every time I say this, people look at me like I'm the crazy one. Like brush your hair and wash your face with actual cleanser once in a while and see how much better you feel.

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[a_sin_for_him]

Are those of us with knowledge already welcome to share what we know?

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[spacebaloney]

Oh hell yeah! I don't know how to do Swedish massage, but I'm sure someone out there does. Probably a big burly lady names Frida and I'm not going to turn her away. Not when I could use one right now.

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[rollstoseduce]

[That's a wonderful robe, Lance, never apologize for it. Only fools think self-care spending is a problem! Jaskier has done some shopping as well: when the feed starts, he is sitting on a bench at what obviously is one of the Sevii Islands, and he's dressed up to match the weather. His new look consists of shorts, a red shirt and a t-shirt that says "I'm a Luxury Ball you can't afford". Sunglasses hang on the collar of said t-shirt and a fashionable hat rests on top of his head. His skin looks darker, too, thanks to all the sunbathing he's done. Does he pass the test to enter this club?]

What a delightful idea! Self-care is a divine responsibility many a person ignore! I must ask, however: what is missing from the local spas? I've found them to be nohing but wonderful, but I admit my perspective may not be fair, since my realm lacked most of the advacements this world thrives on.

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[spacebaloney]

[He would never. Lance would need to have some modicum of shame to apologize in the first place.

Look at that shirt of yours, Jaskier. It's so beautiful that it almost brings tears to Lance's eyes. Nothing like a confident man knowing his price. But he sure hopes you're wearing sunscreen. The tan's wonderful, but the wrinkles are worse.]

Discounts. Why should people be prevented from looking hot because they don't have the money? The chick who works the register at Starmiebucks totally deserves the best skin of her life without draining her bank account for one mask.

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[braveloyalhugs]

Wow, that sounds so great! We didn't have anything like that back home! And the nice hair place here in Goldenrod charges more than I make in an hour at work.

[For all the enthusiasm of the first part, Scorpia says that last bit in a quiet voice, like it's a secret.]

[spacebaloney]

See? Like I totally get they're the pros and they went to school for all of that, but we have the internet now and can learn how to do the same things for free and do it ourselves. And save your hour's pay for something nicer... like a sick nasty pair of sneaks.

[Listen, Scorpia. Your minimum wage shame is shared by all.]

[islandshore]

[Riku raises a finger... and then promptly drops it.

This is... admittedly out of his area of expertise. Sure, he does practice self-care. Showers. Making sure his hair's brushed before going out, but is that really enough? Huh.

He folds his arms, contemplating.]

Gotta admit. The thought hadn't really crossed my mind. Always just stuck to the bare essentials- stay clean, stay fit, make sure you don't look like a total slob.

But I guess learning how to practice this stuff on the cheap wouldn't be the worst idea. Beats draining your pocketbook for fancy spas, anyway.

sorry, rl got.. real lmao

[spacebaloney]

[It would be enough for normal people, but Lance is anything but normal. He's too damn much.]

Well, that's all good, but why stick to the bare minimum when you can do so much more? Sure, people wouldn't mind, but it's boring. First impressions matter and doing it cheap is my goal!

Don't you think your hair could use a little more shine? Some body? Maybe your skin could use some glow?