victory_road | 1st Recipe [New Bark Town, Video/Action]

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1st Recipe [New Bark Town, Video/Action]

[Video]

[There are a lot of things you don't expect when you're Jane Crocker. You don't expect the entire world to shift scenes in the blink of an eye, floating in the ruins of a golden moon one second and waking up in what looks to be a normal, sunny bedroom the next. You don't expect some woman whom you've never seen before in your entire life to come in, claim to be your mother, shove a backpack into your arms and kick you out of the house with vague directions to a - a laboratory? And you certainly don't expect to be given what you're darn tootin' sure is a Pokeball once you get there, and as soon as you go, are again booted out towards the only dirt road outta town: Route 29.

So forgive her if she spent the last night in town, pounding on the door of her "mother"'s house and demanding to be let back in and given an explanation. When her video comes on this morning, it shows a very tired, bespectacled teenage girl with prominent buck teeth looking about 110% done with everything around her.]

...Okay, it's on. I think. [She squints, as if looking for something on the Pokegear to in fact indicate it is on, before continuing.] Um...hello? I'm basically going on a hunch that this...weird thing can be used as a communicator of sorts. Almost like FaceTime on a smartphone, right? I-I really hope so, or else I'm making calls into the goshdarned aether. [She sighs, shaking her head.] Anyway. If someone out there knows exactly how someone can wake up in what should very well be a video game that isn't supposed to suck you into a virtual reality, and if there's a way for me to leave, I'd greatly appreciate it. I...was sort of in the middle of something. [A look of hesitance crosses her face, as if...she may be asking to go back, but she sure as fuck doesn't want to at the moment.] I'll be in this...New Bark Town place for a little longer, if you need to know where I am.

- Oh, and, one more thing? [The video blurs as it shifts to a very pink creature that's quietly munching on some trail mix by Jane's side.] Not that she isn't cute, but, um...is this really a Pokemon?

[Action]

[True to her word, Jane lingers in town for the day. The pink Pokemon - Audino, her Pokedex has explained - seems happy to sit nearby and play with the hood on her unusual attire. This seems to be proving endearing enough to get Jane to smile despite herself, but given how warily she looks at the natives, it seems she'd do well with some sort of human conversation that doesn't tend to repeat itself.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

A COUPLE HUNDRED POKÉDOLLARS? IT VARIES. PEOPLE OFFER EGGS FOR FREE SOMETIMES, TOO, ESPECIALLY TO NEWCOMERS.

Oh wow!
That is incredibly generous, but I'd feel bad if I just took an egg like that.
I assume people usually know what they're paying for before they buy, though?
Folks don't just sell mysterious eggs and then laugh when their customers are upset that they hatched into something they weren't expecting, do they?

UP TO YOU, BUT PEOPLE MIGHT REFUSE PAYMENT ANYWAY? IT REALLY ISN'T A BIG DEAL HERE, FOR SOME REASON. PROBABLY BECAUSE EGGS AREN'T THAT DIFFICULT TO COME BY. WHO FUCKING KNOWS.
YES YOU ALWAYS KNOW WHAT YOU'RE PAYING FOR. NO NEED TO WORRY ABOUT THAT.

Are eggs really that common?
I mean, I'm going to assume that...they are...they APPEAR in the usual egg-appearing ways - which I do not want to imagine in the slightest - but that actually, um. Happens a lot?
To the point where there's a surplus that the egg-owners are more than happy to let others take them off their hands??

I GUESS? I MEAN THERE ARE A LOT OF POKÉMON BREEDERS ON TOP OF POKÉMON BEING LITERALLY FUCKING EVERYWHERE
ACTUALLY THAT'S PROBABLY MORE ACCURATE. IT'S NOT REALLY EGGS SO MUCH AS POKÉMON IN GENERAL THAT WE'RE UP TO OUR NOOKS IN.
ESPECIALLY WHEN WE GET A SHITLOAD OF ONE SPECIES SWARMING THE AREA FOR SOME REASON

Er, well, of course - I mean, you can't exactly keep the dears from doing what they want to do.
And I'm also assuming that "normal animals" I might be used to aren't exactly a thing here, so of course it would be Pokemon instead.
But why do we get swarms? Are they migrating, or...

NO, "NORMAL" ANIMALS ARE NOT A THING UNLESS YOU COUNT WHATEVER THE FUCK KIND OF MEAT GOES IN THE FOOD HERE. IT ISN'T POKÉMON BUT NO ONE KNOWS ANYTHING BEYOND THAT.
THEY MIGHT BE MIGRATING? I DON'T THINK ANYONE KNOWS THE ANSWER TO THAT, EITHER. THE SWARMS JUST KIND OF TURN UP, THEN DISAPPEAR.

Oh.
Um.
Oh gosh.
It's not, uh, a kind of tofu substitute or...synthetic?
Not that anyone would actually WANT to eat synthetic meat, but...
That's really something you'd think people would TEST, or at least EXPLAIN.

FOR ALL WE KNOW, SOMEONE ALCHEMIZED IT. IT'S AS PLAUSIBLE AN EXPLANATION AS ANYTHING ELSE.
I DON'T USUALLY BOTHER THINKING ABOUT IT.

Is alchemization even a thing here??
It's a thing in the game, sure, but it can't be a thing everywhere - oh God, now I'm going to be side-eyeing all the meat I see...
I mean, the alternative is devouring our Pokemon friends, which is definitely not okay for several reasons...
Eugh, now I can't stop thinking about it!

NO YOU'RE RIGHT THEY MUST SHIP IT IN FROM OTHER UNIVERSES. THAT MAKES WAY MORE SENSE!
DOES IT REALLY MATTER? IT'S PROBABLY JUST MORE GAME MECHANICS ANYWAY. I MEAN, POKÉGAME MECHANICS, NOT OTHER GAME MECHANICS.

I'm just saying it's kind of concerning!
I would kind of like to know what I'll be putting in my body for the duration of my stay.
But, if there's really no definite way to find out, I'll...have to look into it on my own, or just suck it up and eat mystery meat.

WELL IF YOU EVER DO FIND OUT WHERE THE MEAT IS COMING FROM, LET EVERYONE ELSE KNOW, TOO. WE'RE NOT THE ONLY TWO PEOPLE WONDERING.
ESPECIALLY SINCE THERE ARE GRASS TYPE POKEMON BUT NORMAL PLANTS TOO? AND REGULAR ROCKS ALONG WITH ROCK TYPE POKEMON.
YOU KNOW WHAT, FUCK THIS UNIVERSE. YOU FIGURE IT OUT. I'M DONE.

Look, those things could be attributed to a unique form of Darwinism evolution.
I'm willing to accept that, at least.
Even if here, it applies to things that should rightly be inanimate, or at least not capable of sentience.

And I won't keep it a secret if I find out what the meat is, I promise. That kind of information is something we all deserve to know!

WHAT'S DARWINISM. AND SURE, OK.
GOOD LUCK.

The concept of species evolution and diversion over a long span of time due to adaptations to their environments.
Let's take the giraffe for example. It's a creature with a long neck. It eats leaves off of trees, so ideally, the longer the neck, the more easily they can reach higher treetops. Giraffe precursors with shorter necks would die out before breeding, and the precursors with longer necks would thrive and pass on their genetics.
At least, that's how it was explained to me in school.

[................... Well then.]

SO BASICALLY YOU'RE AS BIG A FUCKING NERD AS DIRK, EXCEPT ABOUT THINGS THAT ARE PROBABLY MORE SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE TO OTHER SENTIENT LIFE FORMS. GOOD TO KNOW.

Uh...thanks?
All I did was give you a bare bones, generalized explanation though. Not that I could get into the specifics...

OK MAYBE LESS OF A NERD THAN DIRK BUT THAT'S JUST A POINT IN YOUR FAVOR.
HE LECTURED ME ABOUT MUPPETS ONCE. IT WAS AS AWFUL AS IT SOUNDS.
PLEASE TELL ME HE'S NOT ALWAYS LIKE THAT, EXCEPT I'M PRETTY SURE BY NOW IT'S TOO LATE FOR EVEN THAT MUCH.

Incredibly wordy and rambling about topics he's unabashedly passionate about?
Mm, sorry, that's definitely something Dirk would do.
He sure can go off on some wild tangents, and I don't always understand them all the way through, but they're interesting to read. And he's my friend, so I don't mind them.

[... Phrased like that, he really does sound like Dave. Still more of an asshole, though.]

THAT MAKES SENSE. I KNOW SOME PEOPLE LIKE THAT.

[Including John, come to think of it, considering his fucking movies. Ugh, Karkat hopes Jane doesn't have the same tastes as her whatever-they-are when it comes to films.]

[Well no wonder, they ARE related.]

But I bet Dirk is the first person who would give you a lecture on plush, colorful puppets.

[Karkat, you'll never know for sure until you ask. Or, well, if you sit down and watch Jane surf through Poke-TV for a while.]

AS LONG AS HE'S THE LAST, I'LL DEAL WITH IT.

HEY SO YOU'RE JOHN'S ANCESTOR TOO, RIGHT? OR HOWEVER THAT WORKS FOR HUMANS.

As far as I know, Dirk is absolutely one-of-a-kind when it comes to his puppet particulars.

Yes, I apparently am, however the ectobiology-thing works. Why do you ask?

ARE YOU GOING TO INUNDATE OUR AURICULAR SPONGE CLOTS WITH REENACTMENTS OF SHITTY MOVIES OR RIG DOORWAYS WITH "HUMOROUS" PAILS OF GOD KNOWS WHAT.

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