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[While most people are still asleep, Lance is on the grind. Like, literally. He's standing in the bathroom of the Attack on Voltron house, clad in the Starmiebucks' uniform with the nice circular logo of a Starmie in the center of the apron, flashing a dazzlingly white smile at the camera even if it's just after dawn and most people are still asleep and the poor souls who are awake aren't even thinking about popping fingerguns at the network like he's actually doing right now, oh my god. His hair is laid and his face is moisturized to perfection, sunscreen and high quality lip balm and all. Someone's gotta make the Latias Lattes and it's gonna be him. Lance might as well look good while doing so.]

Hello, world! I'm Lance and this is my announcement that today, the best leg of Voltron, the right blue one, is gainfully employed at your local Starmiebucks. [He cups his ear, feigning deafness because he's also dramatic as well as being a moron.] Wait? What's that? What's Voltron? Oh, just a gigantic robot that's currently saving the entire universe back at home, one Galra at a time.

[Christ, who was idiot who hired this braggart fool? Fire them and him.]

Anyway, this week, we're running a half-priced special on your favorite Pokéccino and with every one purchased by a pretty face, you get a chance to win a date with me, Lance the Blue Pala-

[Enjoy that sudden high pitched shrill scream that can probably be heard for miles as the 'gear clatters to the floor and the sound of Lance scrambling along the floor is heard following it. All the camera catches is one blue tentacle slowly retreating back behind the shower curtain, leaving droplets of water in its wake.]

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why do i even bother talking to you? 🙄
fine. think of another problem we could both have and sympathize using that

yeah i still dont actually know you
so

[That's a very 'you' specific problem, Lance.]

you don't have to specifically know me to think of a problem
just idk think of one any other human would have

[Lance's first mistake: thinking Keith could be normal.]

I don't know!

[One answer for two questions. Efficiency.]

There's a lot of stuff in this house I have questions about and those are my first two. Well, three. The next one is why grab me?!

All the better to hug you with! But seriously, yeah, it's a stupid amount of tentacles. Only like ten of them are long, though.

Oh, hey, an Omanyte! I've read about those guys. I think they're full of gas... So, uh, never squeeze him, I guess...

[Lance's second mistake: thinking Keith cares.]

still trying to figure out why first

because that's what people do?
they share and sympathize
it's not a hard thing to understand keith

[He almost typed "friends" but 1) Keith will argue against that 2) Lance would argue against that and 3) Lance doesn't want people knowing he considers Keith an actual friend.]

[Literally nothing wakes you up faster than the sound of one of your teammates screaming. Especially when they scream like that. At a time of the day when people should be sleeping -- people whose names rhyme with "dance" anyway.]

[So.]

[Needless to say? One (1) previously sleeping man (~~sorry Matt~~) goes bolting out of bed. And just straight into the bathroom. Possibly knocking the door half off its hinges in the process. Starmie-pattern boxers, not hair all over the place, and not much else.]

Lance! What's wrong! What happened!

Oooh, don't worry. Won't be any squeezing going on over here. No hugging either.

I don't know about him, though. Dude here doesn't know about personal space.

[But see here: people whose names rhyme with "dance" has to go in early for training. He doesn't have much of a say on when Starmiebucks opens. Just like he didn't have a say in being harassed in the dark by something cold and wet and icky and then having to witness a wild looking Shiro dressed in nothing but his skivvies busting down the door. How does anyone sleep in this house with all this racket?

Lance is startled all over again by Shiro's arrival, too startled to realize the man is practically naked, but manages to jams a finger in the direction of the shower curtain.]

Something's in the tub! And it grabbed me!

[This household is used to Krieg wrestling with Incineroars and beds breaking under the assault of eager Arons, that's how.]

Something --

[It's kind of amazing how fast someone can go from READY TO FIGHT to CONFUSED in the space of one sentence. Shiro looks at Lance. Then at the bathtub.]

[He just sort of... sighs.]

[Then stalks over to yank the curtain back.]

I told you to stop that! He doesn't need help with the shower, he's not even in the shower! [Something burbles.] No. Get out here and apologize. [More burbling.] Yes, you. Get out here and apologize to Lance.

Some of them really don't get personal space bubbles. My Furret still tries to hide down my pants when he's freaked out. Which was one thing when he was like a two foot tall Sentret but now he's taller than me.

I'm Korra, by the way.

[Honestly, Lance is much more used to Shiro being READY TO FIGHT and is confused himself once Shiro swaps modes. Shouldn't Shiro keep his guard up for defending Lance's honor from whatever's behind the curtain?

Apparently not because now Shiro's scolding the thing in the tub and Lance isn't sure he wants what's there to come out towards him again.]

Uh... Shiro? [A pause because the burbles are more weird than disturbing and Lance is kind of curious since it seems the danger has passed.] What are you doing?

Edited 2018-07-01 19:22 (UTC)

[Lance's lips suddenly curl up in that cocky, far too self-assured (but not really) grin from earlier. Giant freakin' red flag.]

Down your pants, huh?

[Lance, don't do it. Don't do the thing. Please don't do the thing.]

Lucky guy.

[Damn it. He did the thing.]

Reminding someone to use manners. Again.

[And without further ado, he just straight up reaches into the tub. And... pulls out an Omanyte. Who burbles again, frantically trying to smooth two of the tentacles closer to its face into curlier versions of themselves. Like a little blue mustache.]

I’m sorry. I completely forgot to warn you about him. He’s harmless, promise you that much, but... Lance?

This is Coran.

[The Omanyte, tentacle mustache firmly redone, waggles its other tentacles in greeting. And probably apology but who can tell when you’re a rock squid who can’t speak human??]

Wow. Wow.

Seriously?

[Korra rolls her eyes. That was one of the lamest lines she's ever heard.]

So what are you gonna do if I find that really gross and offensive and sick my giant city destroying dragon on you? Or if I have a giant girlfriend or boyfriend that now wants to punch you a lot? Or feed you to an equally giant Pokemon?

Because these are things you should think about.

[Lance's first reaction would be to ask why the heck he named a blue Pokemon after a ginger, but then he sees how those two little tentacles curl up in a frightenly familiar manner and it all becomes clear. No use asking obvious questions where there's a much more important one at hand.]

Why are you keeping a Pokemon in the tub?

[Holding back her laughter....no she's laughing.]

I have no idea what pokemon that is, but it's now my favourite.

[It was lame because Lance is lame. He's the absolute worst and it's no wonder he's still single.]

Well, for the dragon, you'd have to find me first. [Which sure, he's told the entire world where he works but which Starmiebucks? There's probably one on every corner.] Same for the other two, I think.

But hear me out! Once you've been kung fu'd by a princess and handcuffed and left out to dry on a random planet by a girl, every other risk pales in comparison. I'm sorry if I offended you, though.

[It's a genuine apology. A pretty shitty one, but Lance is a harmless idiot who knows he has little chance in succeeding so he over-performs to fail. A rather self-fulfilling prophecy.]

Edited 2018-07-01 19:45 (UTC)

oh i know
i meant why i have to with you

[He barely knows you and you annoy him.]

He’s... social.

It was this or the bedroom.

[And since technically Omanyte are fossils, there are no less than seven people he knows who would give him hell for letting the little guy run around in the ocean. Or outside in general. He just lowers the Pokémon back into the tub, dragging his other hand over his face.]

You’re okay though, right? He didn’t hurt you by mistake?

[Ah the joys of training monsters.]

[Ugh. First his Miltank bowls him over, he gets shot down by a married woman with triplets, and now he has girls laughing at him over the network. Lance would like to go home now and drown his sorrows in garlic knots.]

You can have him. He's free to a good home.

[Don't listen to him. He can't be going around giving away other people's Pokemon just because his ego is bruised].

because
we're in voltron together
and last time we didn't share things allura made us train day and night on team bonding.

[A break in between messages and then:]

yeah i know you don't remember that but it happened and it eventually worked
so
👏

[Poor guy.]

You seemed pretty surprised there. Is he even yours?

its not that i dont remember what happened its that i dont know what youre talking about
it hasnt happened to me

[GIVE HIM A TANGIBLE REASON TO CARE LANCE.]

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action; im sorry

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Re: action; i reject your apology. there is nothing to be sorry for.

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