victory_road |

[While most people are still asleep, Lance is on the grind. Like, literally. He's standing in the bathroom of the Attack on Voltron house, clad in the Starmiebucks' uniform with the nice circular logo of a Starmie in the center of the apron, flashing a dazzlingly white smile at the camera even if it's just after dawn and most people are still asleep and the poor souls who are awake aren't even thinking about popping fingerguns at the network like he's actually doing right now, oh my god. His hair is laid and his face is moisturized to perfection, sunscreen and high quality lip balm and all. Someone's gotta make the Latias Lattes and it's gonna be him. Lance might as well look good while doing so.]

Hello, world! I'm Lance and this is my announcement that today, the best leg of Voltron, the right blue one, is gainfully employed at your local Starmiebucks. [He cups his ear, feigning deafness because he's also dramatic as well as being a moron.] Wait? What's that? What's Voltron? Oh, just a gigantic robot that's currently saving the entire universe back at home, one Galra at a time.

[Christ, who was idiot who hired this braggart fool? Fire them and him.]

Anyway, this week, we're running a half-priced special on your favorite Pokéccino and with every one purchased by a pretty face, you get a chance to win a date with me, Lance the Blue Pala-

[Enjoy that sudden high pitched shrill scream that can probably be heard for miles as the 'gear clatters to the floor and the sound of Lance scrambling along the floor is heard following it. All the camera catches is one blue tentacle slowly retreating back behind the shower curtain, leaving droplets of water in its wake.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Oooh, don't worry. Won't be any squeezing going on over here. No hugging either.

I don't know about him, though. Dude here doesn't know about personal space.

Some of them really don't get personal space bubbles. My Furret still tries to hide down my pants when he's freaked out. Which was one thing when he was like a two foot tall Sentret but now he's taller than me.

I'm Korra, by the way.

[Lance's lips suddenly curl up in that cocky, far too self-assured (but not really) grin from earlier. Giant freakin' red flag.]

Down your pants, huh?

[Lance, don't do it. Don't do the thing. Please don't do the thing.]

Lucky guy.

[Damn it. He did the thing.]

Wow. Wow.

Seriously?

[Korra rolls her eyes. That was one of the lamest lines she's ever heard.]

So what are you gonna do if I find that really gross and offensive and sick my giant city destroying dragon on you? Or if I have a giant girlfriend or boyfriend that now wants to punch you a lot? Or feed you to an equally giant Pokemon?

Because these are things you should think about.

[It was lame because Lance is lame. He's the absolute worst and it's no wonder he's still single.]

Well, for the dragon, you'd have to find me first. [Which sure, he's told the entire world where he works but which Starmiebucks? There's probably one on every corner.] Same for the other two, I think.

But hear me out! Once you've been kung fu'd by a princess and handcuffed and left out to dry on a random planet by a girl, every other risk pales in comparison. I'm sorry if I offended you, though.

[It's a genuine apology. A pretty shitty one, but Lance is a harmless idiot who knows he has little chance in succeeding so he over-performs to fail. A rather self-fulfilling prophecy.]

Edited 2018-07-01 19:45 (UTC)

That's not that hard, here, actually. There's like three major places where people settle down, and all I'd have to do is ask one of your roommates. And I do have a giant dragon.

[Korra shifts her 'gear, turning it from a view of her face and a bit of blue painted house behind her to show a slope of white sand down to the sea...where there is indeed a large, thick Gyarados playing in the waves.]

Still no excuse for really bad pick up lines. Which don't offend me, by the way, but maybe wait until you've talked to a girl for more than five minutes before talking about getting down her pants. You'd probably have a lot better luck.

Just...guessing that you don't have much luck with the ladies.

But you don't know who my roommates are...

[And here's how Lance should be a little more perceptive: there's only four other people here familiar with Voltron. All Korra has to do is ask. She could make it part of her own personal scavenger hunt.]

Oh shit. You really do have a dragon. What kind of Pokemon is that?

You'd be wrong there! [Sneaking out of the Garrison was a tried and true extra curricular activity for Lance and a couple of those times actually involved girls. And maybe a boy or two. Definitely two. Lots of teenaged shenanigans.] In space, they love me.

[No, they love Voltron, but to Lance, same thing.]

Well, all I'd have to do is actually pay attention to your public network conversations and it wouldn't be too hard to figure out. Or just ask around.

Yeah, I do! She's a Gyarados. [The gear returns to it's original view.] They can literally destroy whole cities.

Not too sure I believe you, but okay.

[Lance frowns and then realize he done goofed. Gotta stop that.]

Oh. But that's cheating.

And you might not now, but give me a chance and you might just love me too. [There go those fingerguns again.]

No that's finding out information. Information that's totally public. Obviously I'm not going to come after you with my dragon, but not everybody is as chill and awesome as I am.

Who knows? Right now I mostly just think you're funny. And pretty full of yourself.

Is being confident being full of myself? They do say no one will love you if you don't love yourself first.

[But taking that to the extreme of being your own 24/7 hype man is the issue at hand.]

So you're an expert on self love, huh?

You realize you walked right into that.

[Lance turns as red as one his tan color can be at the realization that he not only did he indeed walk right into that, but Korra called him out to his face about it and oh god he is really not doing well with anything today.

He drags his hands over his face, groaning deeply and mournfully.]

Let the dragon eat me.

HA! Now that is a priceless reaction face.

[Korra laughs loudly.]

Okay, we're even now. No, no feeding you to my dragon. Or my giant dinosaur. Or any of my other giant Pokemon.

Wait, how'd you get a dinosaur again?

[Maybe if he gets her talking about dinosaurs, she'll forget his screw-ups faster.]

A friend of mine had a dinosaur that needed a home. I wasn't passing up a free dinosaur, so Princess Stompsalot has been with me for months now.

She's pretty great.

Princess Stompsalot? That's a cool name!

[He respects you, Korra. That's something he'd totally name his own dinosaur if he has one.]

She sounds badass.

Thanks! It's not her original name, but I couldn't figure out how to pronounce it and she hasn't ever had a problem with Princess Stompsalot.

She's extremely badass. She's about nine feet tall, and I can ride on her. I can ride on my Gyardos, too. And...a bunch of my others, actually.

Couldn't pronounce it? How was it spelled?

[He's doubtful he could help out of curiosity, but he is bilingual so maybe he can. Who knows? Worth a try.]

I don't remember off the top of my head, but it was mostly As and Ys. And really long.

[Though as far as Korra's concerned, any name more than two syllables was pretty long.]

Oh, I see. I was just curious to see if it was something familiar to me. Not important anyway now that she has an awesome name.

[Totally understandable, but knowing both English and Spanish equally plus spending enough time around aliens means Lance had gained a flexible enough tongue to win over any amount of syllables thrown at him.]

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