» uno

[spacebaloney]

[While most people are still asleep, Lance is on the grind. Like, literally. He's standing in the bathroom of the Attack on Voltron house, clad in the Starmiebucks' uniform with the nice circular logo of a Starmie in the center of the apron, flashing a dazzlingly white smile at the camera even if it's just after dawn and most people are still asleep and the poor souls who are awake aren't even thinking about popping fingerguns at the network like he's actually doing right now, oh my god. His hair is laid and his face is moisturized to perfection, sunscreen and high quality lip balm and all. Someone's gotta make the Latias Lattes and it's gonna be him. Lance might as well look good while doing so.]

Hello, world! I'm Lance and this is my announcement that today, the best leg of Voltron, the right blue one, is gainfully employed at your local Starmiebucks. [He cups his ear, feigning deafness because he's also dramatic as well as being a moron.] Wait? What's that? What's Voltron? Oh, just a gigantic robot that's currently saving the entire universe back at home, one Galra at a time.

[Christ, who was idiot who hired this braggart fool? Fire them and him.]

Anyway, this week, we're running a half-priced special on your favorite Pokéccino and with every one purchased by a pretty face, you get a chance to win a date with me, Lance the Blue Pala-

[Enjoy that sudden high pitched shrill scream that can probably be heard for miles as the 'gear clatters to the floor and the sound of Lance scrambling along the floor is heard following it. All the camera catches is one blue tentacle slowly retreating back behind the shower curtain, leaving droplets of water in its wake.]

Comments

[spacebaloney]

i didn't do anything to it
i was just getting ready for work and it grabbed my foot
now my sock is wet too 😤

[whatsacactus]

so put on dry socks

[spacebaloney]

that's not the point keith
why can't you just sympathize over wet socks?

[whatsacactus]

because i dont get wet socks

[Because someone actually pays attention to his surroundings.]

[spacebaloney]

why do i even bother talking to you? 🙄
fine. think of another problem we could both have and sympathize using that

[whatsacactus]

yeah i still dont actually know you
so

[That's a very 'you' specific problem, Lance.]

[spacebaloney]

you don't have to specifically know me to think of a problem
just idk think of one any other human would have

[Lance's first mistake: thinking Keith could be normal.]

[whatsacactus]

[Lance's second mistake: thinking Keith cares.]

still trying to figure out why first

[spacebaloney]

because that's what people do?
they share and sympathize
it's not a hard thing to understand keith

[He almost typed "friends" but 1) Keith will argue against that 2) Lance would argue against that and 3) Lance doesn't want people knowing he considers Keith an actual friend.]

[whatsacactus]

oh i know
i meant why i have to with you

[He barely knows you and you annoy him.]

[spacebaloney]

because
we're in voltron together
and last time we didn't share things allura made us train day and night on team bonding.

[A break in between messages and then:]

yeah i know you don't remember that but it happened and it eventually worked
so
👏

[whatsacactus]

its not that i dont remember what happened its that i dont know what youre talking about
it hasnt happened to me

[GIVE HIM A TANGIBLE REASON TO CARE LANCE.]

[spacebaloney]

you know what i meant!
just because it hasn't happened for you yet doesn't mean it doesn't happen at all!
don't be so freakin' weird about stuff

[HE'S TRYING BUT KEITH GIVES HIM A HEADACHE.]

[whatsacactus]

[Now would be a bad time to bring up that he's planning to change some of it if he goes back. He wants to find his own way up there to get Shiro and Matt. He wants to change that.]

im not
im being straightforward
also dont you have a job to go to

[spacebaloney]

[Okay, but when would be a good time to bring up the fact that he won't be able to change that because he won't remember any of this when he gets back?]

SHIT