victory_road |

[While most people are still asleep, Lance is on the grind. Like, literally. He's standing in the bathroom of the Attack on Voltron house, clad in the Starmiebucks' uniform with the nice circular logo of a Starmie in the center of the apron, flashing a dazzlingly white smile at the camera even if it's just after dawn and most people are still asleep and the poor souls who are awake aren't even thinking about popping fingerguns at the network like he's actually doing right now, oh my god. His hair is laid and his face is moisturized to perfection, sunscreen and high quality lip balm and all. Someone's gotta make the Latias Lattes and it's gonna be him. Lance might as well look good while doing so.]

Hello, world! I'm Lance and this is my announcement that today, the best leg of Voltron, the right blue one, is gainfully employed at your local Starmiebucks. [He cups his ear, feigning deafness because he's also dramatic as well as being a moron.] Wait? What's that? What's Voltron? Oh, just a gigantic robot that's currently saving the entire universe back at home, one Galra at a time.

[Christ, who was idiot who hired this braggart fool? Fire them and him.]

Anyway, this week, we're running a half-priced special on your favorite Pokéccino and with every one purchased by a pretty face, you get a chance to win a date with me, Lance the Blue Pala-

[Enjoy that sudden high pitched shrill scream that can probably be heard for miles as the 'gear clatters to the floor and the sound of Lance scrambling along the floor is heard following it. All the camera catches is one blue tentacle slowly retreating back behind the shower curtain, leaving droplets of water in its wake.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[The first part kind of made sense? You know, sugar is sweet and Shiro's pretty caring, but the rest is just words shoved together in a hope that they'll fall into making sense. Sadly, hope is dead because Lance is still confused as all heck.]

Uh, right, sure. Whatever you say, big guy. [He's definitely never asking this guy any why questions ever again.] So he's okay with you calling him that?

Mnuhuhuhu...Yup! I don't think he even notices anymore!

[There had been some protest, some objection, at first. But that was ages ago. Like, over a year. Maybe almost two years. Krieg barely remembers it.]

You must be one of his space kiddos.

Kiddos?

[Well, there's all a few years younger than Shiro. Lance can see how that guy made that jump.]

I guess so. I'm not really a kid, though.

[He'll be eighteen soon. A REAL MAN.]

Kiddos! Doesn't matter how old you are, space dad is gonna dad.

[As evidenced by the fact that Shiro also tends to dad Krieg, who is probably a good ten years older than him.]

He's a good egg.

Space dad?

[To be honest, he's never heard anything so right regarding Shiro until now. Lane cracks up at how right this man is.]

Yeah, he is pretty cool. Super strong and does as much as he can for everybody. I have no complaints about him.

[Except when he cockblocks Lance's attempts to poorly hit on Allura. Not cool, Dad, not cool.]

I have one complaint!

He needs to learn how to relax!

[Seriously, Lance. Seriously. Krieg has never met anyone so uptight, and he knows Dr. Tannis.]

Good luck trying to convince him of doing that. I don't think he even sleeps!

[Well, when they aren't here, of course. Island Paradise Shiro looks much better than Castle Spaceship Shiro, but even Lance knows old habits die hard.]

He totally needs a vacation. You'd think this one would be a good enough one for him, but nope!

He sleeps sometimes! The Mischief Ghost helps.

[Island Paradise Shiro also looks a lot better than Freshly Arrived Napping in the Dirt Shiro, which is Krieg's earliest memory of him.]

The stick up his ass used to be huge! I think it's shrunk a lot.

The Mischief Ghost?

[If Lance was familiar with Freshly Arrived Napping in the Dirt Shiro, he'd probably mistake him for Castle Spaceship Shiro because if you're napping in the dirt, life can't be going well for you.]

Eh, Keith has a tree trunk up his. Shiro's at least cool when he wants to be.

The Mischief Ghost! It's fat and purple and its tongue is bigger than its mouth!

[Or at least it used to be. Maybe it still is, who knows. As a Gengar, Haunter seems to be able to keep its tongue in its mouth a lot more easily than when it was a Haunter.]

Who's Keith? Another kiddo?

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