victory_road |

[While most people are still asleep, Lance is on the grind. Like, literally. He's standing in the bathroom of the Attack on Voltron house, clad in the Starmiebucks' uniform with the nice circular logo of a Starmie in the center of the apron, flashing a dazzlingly white smile at the camera even if it's just after dawn and most people are still asleep and the poor souls who are awake aren't even thinking about popping fingerguns at the network like he's actually doing right now, oh my god. His hair is laid and his face is moisturized to perfection, sunscreen and high quality lip balm and all. Someone's gotta make the Latias Lattes and it's gonna be him. Lance might as well look good while doing so.]

Hello, world! I'm Lance and this is my announcement that today, the best leg of Voltron, the right blue one, is gainfully employed at your local Starmiebucks. [He cups his ear, feigning deafness because he's also dramatic as well as being a moron.] Wait? What's that? What's Voltron? Oh, just a gigantic robot that's currently saving the entire universe back at home, one Galra at a time.

[Christ, who was idiot who hired this braggart fool? Fire them and him.]

Anyway, this week, we're running a half-priced special on your favorite Pokéccino and with every one purchased by a pretty face, you get a chance to win a date with me, Lance the Blue Pala-

[Enjoy that sudden high pitched shrill scream that can probably be heard for miles as the 'gear clatters to the floor and the sound of Lance scrambling along the floor is heard following it. All the camera catches is one blue tentacle slowly retreating back behind the shower curtain, leaving droplets of water in its wake.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

What a shame. Someone should definitely buy a coffee in his name so he has a shot.

[This is what happens when Alex talks to other teenagers.]

I do have a question though. This Voltron robot. How are you a leg in it? Do you turn into a robot leg? Because I've met someone here who used to be a robot so that's my current guess.

Nope, that's cheating. The rules explicitly say that only the purchaser qualifies for the date. I mean, you could still try and buy one for him, but that means you're the lucky one with the chance.

[No, Lance, no. This girl's already laughed at you. You just know failure is ahead again. Why do you keep trying?]

No, it's more like multiple robot lions that transform into body parts and come together to form Voltron. Two legs, two arms, then the head and torso. The Blue and Yellow lions are the legs, Red and Green are the arms, and the Black Lion is the rest. We can work well separately, but we're all better together.

[Well she's not laughing? But there is highly amused sarcasm.]

Right, lucky. Complete stranger I've never met before in my life. Is this how you normally try to get dates? Because if it is, I suddenly feel sorry for girls I've never met before.

[Yeah, sarcasm. Luckily the robot thing is more interesting.]

Assumptions that every girl wants to date you aside. ....okay so you're not a robot but you can form a giant one out of different parts. That's neat.....I think I saw a tv show like that once. Minus the lion robots.

[It was some variation of power rangers probably.]

You know what they say about strangers? Strangers are friends who we just haven't met yet. [Or something like that. It's a cheesy saying and Lance is all about the cheese.] Besides, you know my name already so I'm not that much of a stranger.

[As for her question about how he normally gets dates... he'd have to actually have to have been on a date to answer that. Getting to cop a feel on the Garrison rooftop once in a while after sneaking out of the dorms doesn't constitute a date.]

A TV show? We're much more impressive than a TV show, I assure you.

What, they don't have the term, stranger danger, where you're from? And also you don't know my name, so yeah, still stranger status.

Is there a reason they're colour coded?

[Not sarcastic with that last bit, the robot stuff sounds interesting. Even if she has to put up with cheesy lines.]

Yeah, we do, but as it turns out, you should fear the people you already know more than actual strangers.

[Lance... that doesn't seem like it'll help you here. Once you stop being a stranger, then she'll know you and what are you going to do then, huh? Dumbass.]

I'm not sure, to be honest. You'd have to ask the guy who created them, but he died a long time ago. Maybe his daughter knows.

Yeah, no I'm sticking with the stranger danger bit. I trust my friends. They wouldn't be my friends if I didn't.

[It's okay, you ran into her wall of her friends are great. Even Clarissa, who she trusts to hate her half the time.]

Huh, strange. Maybe they thought it looked cool.

Sure, whatever you say. I still think those friends of yours started out as strangers you gave a chance, but hey, what do I know?

[Not much, actually, Lance, but we'll play nice.]

They do look cool. Perform even cooler. At least they're all colors that go together instead of like... puke green and caca brown.

[She rolls her eyes. Though she's clearly more amused then annoyed.]

I still think it's easier to make friends when you're not trying to pick up people with really, unsubtle and probably unethical attempts at dates.

Anyway, I'm probably nowhere near your coffee shop so I'll skip the possible date chance, thanks.

Though to get you to stop with the whole stranger quotes. I'm Alex. Good luck with the pokemon there, and not losing your job once your boss realizes what you're doing.

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