Video Post

[thedifferencebetween]

[Is that a ridiculously fat little Houndour in a gold party hat? Yes. Yes it is. Doom Boner looks thrilled. He's sitting in a plush looking yellow chair with a rocket ship chew toy between his paws. As usual, Jack himself isn't in the shot.]

How's everybody doing today? Handsome Jack here!

I sure hope everybody's doing great. Why? Because according to a little alert on my ECHOgear here, today's a very important day. In fact, it's the anniversary of one of the greatest things to ever happen. And you all get to be a part of it.

It's my birthday!

[And he really does sound pleased about this. Why wouldn't he be? Usually, on his birthday, he's lavished with attention and expensive gifts and all the pomp and adoration he deserves. Why should now be any different?]

I like classy booze, fine cigars, hot chicks in hats...all the good stuff.

And before anyone asks, no, vanilla is not an acceptable cake flavor.

It's vanilla.

Vanilla sucks.

Comments

[Video]

[garbagechild]

I've tried every flavor in the vending machine! Vanilla's just one of them.

[Video]

[thedifferencebetween]

Okay, see, that's a whole 'nother problem right there. Food out of a vending machine is barely food. It's a sad imitation of what food should be.

Why is there no school here, where you can learn important stuff like this? Even Pandora's got schools.

[Video]

[garbagechild]

... I think it tastes fine!

And school is for humans.

[Video]

[thedifferencebetween]

Clearly ya do! Not gonna argue that point. I'm just saying...kid, there's a lot of options in the world. Don't limit yourself. Don't settle. Even when it comes to snacks.

School's for every human-child-shaped thing with a brain that can learn. Which this planet's full of. Even bandits send their kids to school. I mean, it's probably bandit school, so I bet they learn like...Face Carving For Beginners and stuff, but still.

[Video]

[garbagechild]

I never settle, I try everything.

And, I already know how to carve faces.

I am very talented.

[Video]

[thedifferencebetween]

Clearly.

Aren't you a little young to be cutting peoples' faces off? I mean you're what...ten?

[Video]

[garbagechild]

_{[Wrath's face blanks at that. He may know how to carve faces, but he's still not great at numbers.]}

Um...

I think I might be three.

_{[Well, unless you count the years spent inside the Gate. Then Jack's estimate is pretty accurate.]}

[Video]

[thedifferencebetween]

...yeah, you really need school.

I mean, don't get me wrong. Face carving's a great skill, never know when it'll come in handy. But I'm guessing 'math' is a strange and exotic word to you...

[Video]

[garbagechild]

... Math is with numbers, right?

I'm not so good at those.

_{[NO, REALLY?]}