Video Post

[thedifferencebetween]

[Is that a ridiculously fat little Houndour in a gold party hat? Yes. Yes it is. Doom Boner looks thrilled. He's sitting in a plush looking yellow chair with a rocket ship chew toy between his paws. As usual, Jack himself isn't in the shot.]

How's everybody doing today? Handsome Jack here!

I sure hope everybody's doing great. Why? Because according to a little alert on my ECHOgear here, today's a very important day. In fact, it's the anniversary of one of the greatest things to ever happen. And you all get to be a part of it.

It's my birthday!

[And he really does sound pleased about this. Why wouldn't he be? Usually, on his birthday, he's lavished with attention and expensive gifts and all the pomp and adoration he deserves. Why should now be any different?]

I like classy booze, fine cigars, hot chicks in hats...all the good stuff.

And before anyone asks, no, vanilla is not an acceptable cake flavor.

It's vanilla.

Vanilla sucks.

Comments

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[pipers_son]

...What about as a frostin' flavor?

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[thedifferencebetween]

I dunno, it's gotta to be a hell of a cake to carry vanilla...

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[oldestfriend]

Hmmm, I can maybe provide one of those things... What kind of hats?

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[thedifferencebetween]

[Well now....]

Any kind, beautiful! What can I say? I just like a lady in a hat.

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[cardboard_boss]

Happy Birthday.

[One grizzled soldier here to say happy birthday, Jack.]

Got any diamonds on that cake of yours?

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[dashdash]

[Doom Boner's getting cuter and cuter by the day, what a happy little pup. She switches her gear to audio so she can keep an eye on the road as she walks, but since it's Jack's big day and all, Mafuyu decides to call a bit earlier than usual so she can wish him a happy birthday before the day ends.]

Happy birthday!! How old 're you?

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[thedifferencebetween]

Thanks!

I dunno, I'll let you know when someone gets me a cake. But...doubtful, probably.

My cake last year had edible gold frosting, though! That was pretty cool. Made bathroom breaks pretty interesting for a couple of days, though!

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[thedifferencebetween]

Thanks kiddo!

How old do ya think I am?

[dashdash]

Oh- heh. I'm real bad at guessing this sort of stuff but... thirty? No, sixty?

[thedifferencebetween]

Let's go with the first one.

[Even though it's twenty years closer to sixty.]

Too bad you and Rhysie-boy can't be here for it, we could have a party! I throw the best parties.

I'd even let ya have some champagne.

But not much.

[dashdash]

Thirty, huh? That's a lot of punches! I'll give 'em to you later. We can have another party when we're all together! I can eat your vanilla cakes, and you can have all that alcohol crap.

[thedifferencebetween]

Sweetheart, you punch me once, you're grounded.

[Ignoring the fact he doesn't have the authority to do that. He's Handsome Jack, he can ground anybody.]

[Besides, he said it without even thinking.]

But I like the sound of that. We've got a lot to celebrate! Kick off our vacation right!

[dashdash]

[yells you're not my mother!! but memories of her own mother placing her under house arrest is enough to make Mafuyu take that back in a real hurry.]

Kidding! Just kidding!

[As much as she's been waiting do lie down in a bed in her own room, she didn't want to be stuck there forever while Jack and Rhys go out and have fun without her. That vacation is something she's been looking forward to for a long time too, especially a cruise to the other country and traveling without having to lift a finger after all these weeks of walking.]

So, you got everything planned out for the vacation? I'm almost to where Rhys is-- you want us to walk all the way back to Goldenrod, or are you meeting us somewhere?

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[usedglaciate]

Happy birthday!

...vanilla does not suck.

[thedifferencebetween]

That's what I thought.

Yeah, we'll be good to go. I had planned on you coming back here, letting you guys get settled at the house. But I'd also planned on you being here like...tomorrow.

Don't worry, I know it's not your fault.

[It's Rhys'. Jack's had enough conversations with the kid to know he's trying to drag his feet. And he doesn't like it.]

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[thedifferencebetween]

Thanks, babe!

Not a vanilla guy.

At all.

[Is that innuendo or not? It probably is.]

[dashdash]

Ugh, yeah. Travel's tough, and it's even slower with two people.

[Forget dragging, it seemed to her that Rhys would rather cut off his feet than of come back to Goldenrod with her. She's sure he'll get past his nerves and warm up to Jack in a short while, so until then, she'll do the dragging to get them all together.]

It might be faster if you come down here, you know. New Bark Town's got a port too, even though Olivine's closer to you.

[thedifferencebetween]

[Porting...is not so easy for Jack. While he's happy to foster the idea that he arrived like everyone else and made the journey from New Bark to Goldenrod, he'd been in Goldenrod since he woke up. But he's not about to have the 'yeah, so honey, I'm in Team Rocket' conversation over the phone.]

[Maybe Cancer Bag or Walking Fist can take him.]

Where are we catching the boat?

[When unsure of an answer, stall!]

[dashdash]

[Oh boy. Porting isn't even a thing Mafuyu knows about; she's been so focused on plowing forward, that shortcuts to turning back never crossed her mind. Maybe Jack shouldn't be so quick to place blame on Rhys when this entire delay is due to Mafuyu walking back to New Back on foot... not that Rhys is making this any easier on her by refusing to get out of that house and meet her halfway.] I think those are the only two ports, one at New Bark and one at Olivine. I've been studying the map like you said, trying to see if I can cut through the trees, but it's too dense and I got lost once jumping off cliffs.

[thedifferencebetween]

....right. Yeah. Fine. I'll meet you in New Bark.

[He could inform Mafuyu that she can use the Pokemon Center to fast travel, but he'd rather buy himself some time. He can claim ignorance later.]

The cliffs don't go up, babe, don't go down'em.

[dashdash]

It's fine, it's fine, I don't plan on going back up; New Bark's down and sliding's a lot faster than going each step by foot. But I gotcha! I'll get there Tuesday or Wednesday or something, so I'll see you around then. Rhys says he'll try to cook, so he can play host.

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[pipers_son]

What, like a lady with not much clothes poppin’ outta it?

[He saw that on tv, once. People back home would have had a heart attack at the idea of it.]

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[thedifferencebetween]

Oh, I get that kind of cake, I don't care what the frosting is.

It's all about the filling!

'Scantily clad chick' is my favorite kind.

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[usedglaciate]

I'm just going to pretend that wasn't more info than I needed to know.

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[oldestfriend]

Hats are pretty amazing. I’m partial to top hats myself, just to class things up a bit. Sound good to you?