victory_road | Video Post

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[Is that a ridiculously fat little Houndour in a gold party hat? Yes. Yes it is. Doom Boner looks thrilled. He's sitting in a plush looking yellow chair with a rocket ship chew toy between his paws. As usual, Jack himself isn't in the shot.]

How's everybody doing today? Handsome Jack here!

I sure hope everybody's doing great. Why? Because according to a little alert on my ECHOgear here, today's a very important day. In fact, it's the anniversary of one of the greatest things to ever happen. And you all get to be a part of it.

It's my birthday!

[And he really does sound pleased about this. Why wouldn't he be? Usually, on his birthday, he's lavished with attention and expensive gifts and all the pomp and adoration he deserves. Why should now be any different?]

I like classy booze, fine cigars, hot chicks in hats...all the good stuff.

And before anyone asks, no, vanilla is not an acceptable cake flavor.

It's vanilla.

Vanilla sucks.

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[Well now....]

Any kind, beautiful! What can I say? I just like a lady in a hat.

Hats are pretty amazing. I’m partial to top hats myself, just to class things up a bit. Sound good to you?

Um. Yes. Yes it does. Sound good.

I like top hats, too.

[He really likes top hats. Especially on women.]

So I'm just gonna put myself out here, cause if you don't take risks you don't get anything good...

You wanna join me for dinner? You and your top hat?

It's my birthday, they'll give us free dessert.

You know, once upon a time, I would have said it probably wouldn’t happen just because I’m still over in lil’ ol’ Cherrygrove, but since they have these snazzy little teleporter pads…

Sure. It’ll be fun to celebrate a birthday with someone, and I’m always a sucker for free cake.

Where can I find you?

Goldenrod. I'm in Goldenrod.

Yeah it will be! And it's my birthday, that automatically makes it at least five times more fun than normal people's.

You know the big department store? Meet ya out front.

Got it, I’ll find my way over there. See you soon!

[Unfortunately, her wardrobe has always been pretty simple even before being transported here. Hopefully he won’t mind the simple things beneath the dapper little top hat she managed to buy from a shop in Cherrygrove, because spaghetti straps and jeans in all black is her perfect aesthetic.]

[Now the only question is which of them will be the first to arrive.]

[At least something's going right!]

[What a friggin' birthday. Athena gives him shit, he was directly and painfully reminded that he lost the person who means the most to him, he's got about four vanilla cakes, Rhys hadn't said a word...]

[Screw that. He's fifty years old, and he's meeting a ridiculously cute woman for dinner. It's summer, so his usual five or more layers aren't exactly practical. He shows up in his trademark Hyperion shirt and a black blazer over it with his jeans and sneakers. Summer be damned, he never wears anything that might show his shoulders or any part of his back. Inevitably, someone asks about all the scars.]

[He even brings Doom Boner along. Chicks go nuts for Doom Boner. Not that he's expecting anything to happen tonight - he mostly just wants company and someone to flirt with over a nice dinner. He strolls up to the Goldenrod department store, eyes peeled for his date....]

[He probably should have gotten her name. Oh well, details weren't important.]

[Good news-]

Awwww!

[Doom Boner’s cuteness also works on the anthropomorphic personification of Death. Then again, she’s finding she adores just about every Pokemon she’s run into so far. She comes striding over, a definitive hop in her step and a wide smile.]

You brought an adorable buddy with you. This date is already starting out great.

Yeah, he doesn't like bein' alone. And apparently health code standards don't exist here, nobody gives a crap about Pokemon in restaurants. Figured it wouldn't be a problem.

[And Jack's not stupid. Having everybody associate him with the lolling, wiggling ball of puppy fat currently bouncing at his date's feet is a very good thing. How can Fat Puppy Guy be a bad guy?]

[And getting a good look at said date...wow. Way, way better in person. And she'd been pretty impressive over the ECHOchat or whatever they called it here.]

So...it occurs to me I never got your name. You already know I'm Jack, the Handsome one.

I guess allergies don’t exist here, huh?

[After crouching down to give the fat little roll of delight some attention, she pushes herself up again and offers her hand.]

Just call me Dee.

Among the dozens of other things that just don't exist here.

[Jack takes the offered hand, giving it a firm squeeze. She seems like a handshake kinda gal, not a hand kissing type.]

I'd say the pleasure's all mine, but...I am pretty awesome to hang out with. Shall we?

[He will offer his arm, though. Hey, he's a gentleman!]

[She’ll happily take both hand shaking and the offered arm, grinning the whole while.]

I take it that means I’m in for an amazing time. I can’t wait.

As amazing as I can do, all things considered. Kinda got some inherent limitations, here on...whatever this planet's called.

[Does it even have a name? Hey, maybe he should name it. Planet Hyperion has a kinda ring to it.]

[But there's way more important things to think about right now. Like the gorgeous woman currently on his arm. This? This feels right. This is normal.]

Can't exactly literally whisk you off to the stars, which sucks, 'cause that makes for a hell of a first date. But I can promise you killer company!

Well, lucky for you, I’m taking a break from the fantastical to appreciate all the little mundane things. You can whisk me to the stars some other time.

[A wink gets flashed his way, and she doesn’t mention that ‘little mundane things’ include eating, or feeling her muscles ache after walking for a long time.]

So where is my killer company taking me, or is it a surprise?

Mundane is in the frickin abundance around here! I mean, it's kinda cute, in that...quaint way. Like a little kid's story book. A little kid's really messed up story book.

[Like those ones that moon mechanic had written. It's sometimes relaxing, sometimes boring. It's been months since he strangled anybody. He's pretty sure he misses that as much as he misses sex.]

[But this isn't a planet for violence. They're all pacifists. He's got a reputation.]

And we are going to this nice little wine and pasta place. They've got actual music and candles and all that classy stuff. But it's not dress code fancy or anything. I hate dress codes. If you're rich enough to be eating at that kind of place, you're rich enough to dress however the hell you want.

[Says the trillionaire pairing a blazer with an old, hand patched T-shirt, jeans and sneakers.]

[Maybe one day she’ll join him in that kind of thinking, but Dee doubts it. There’s just a knowing, or maybe teasing, little grin at his complaints. It widens at the description of the place they’re going to.]

I like the way you think. Where’s the fun in staying in boring ol’ stiff clothes when you’re out to actually have fun? It’s bad enough when you’re on the clock.

Thank you! No, really, thank you. Do you know how much crap I've gotten for being a big shot CEO and wearing sneakers and jeans around the office? Sneakers and jeans are comfy! And they make my butt look great. Not...not that it needs any help, but you know what I mean. Everybody looks good in a nice pair of jeans.

Anyway, point is, life's short, you get one, why wear uncomfortable crap just because some stuffy rich dudes decided on a bunch of stupid fashion rules?

[One plus around here, he supposes. No one really cares how he dresses. And no one's said one thing about his mask, either. Which is kind of weird, even back home he gets questions. But he's not complaining. Saves him trying to come up with all new, snarky comments.]

No, no, it’s fine- I absolutely get where you’re coming from!

[Leaning against his arm, she paps at it.]

I have to deal with similar stuff at my job. It’s really serious stuff, real life and death stuff- [She grins to herself at her own inside joke.] -and I’ll be on the scene, and people still go …

[Clearing her throat, she changes her voice a little.]

“Um, you’re not what I was expecting.”

And I’m just… I think your priorities are a liiiiittle skewed if that’s what you’re focusing on, buddy. One of my brothers is just as bad sometimes about it. I totally get where you’re coming from about jeans and sneakers. You know, if the guy who invented those ever comes here, we should treat him to drinks or something.

[Jack laughs, amiably. That 'yeah, I get it' kind of laugh.]

Oh yeah. 'Not what I was expecting'. I can't count the times I've gotten that! What, exactly, are people expecting?

[Sure, he's larger than life and a living legend, but he's a flesh and blood guy.]

Is it supposed to be a compliment? 'Cause it sure never sounds like one. In fact, it sounds more like 'wow, screw you for being a human being and not actually a towering inferno of fire with a face' or whatever. I mean, for you...okay, for you it's probably a compliment. I dunno what people expect, but...I sure wouldn't be disappointed with all this.

[He holds the door when they reach the restaurant. He knows how to be a gentleman.]

The answer is always something cliche. That’s what they’re expecting.

[Entering inside, she thanks him with a grin and a tip of her hat.]

So, got a place in mind for where we’re going to sit?

Screw cliches! Rather be an original. History remembers the trail blazers, not the dime a dozen tired stereotypes.

And over here, I got a table I like.

[He steers her toward his preferred booth, giving a wave to the host and the bartender. He's been here on more than a couple of occasions. Unsurprisingly, his favorite booth isn't too far from the bar.]

[Hey, Dee won’t judge the bar life so long as no one dies of alcohol poisoning. She’s serious about this vacation of hers. Going along with things, she grins at the sight of the spot.]

Going for an emphasis on the “wine” part of “wining and dining”?

I'm not gonna lie, I like to drink. Along with...well, name a vice, I probably enjoy it! The way I see it, you get one shot. Either make the absolute friggin most of it, or do the world a favor and take yourself out of the whole game.

[He slides into the booth with a grin of his own, shrugging innocently.]

Oh, don’t get me wrong!

[Taking her own seat, Dee leans back, perfectly relaxed. She’s keeping the hat on, because why wouldn’t she?]

I’m not judging. I mean, live life while you have it, right? You never know when it’s going to come to an end.

[Well. Besides her brother, and herself. Destiny doesn’t really count for most situations like this, however.]

Hopefully a very long time from now, surrounded by expensive things and beautiful people!

[Jack chuckles and leans back as a waiter approaches.]

Red or white? I'd guess red, but you know what they say, never assume.

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