1st Stack of Anarchy [Video]

[2hellwiththe1stlaw]

[As the video feed clicks on it's a familiar background for anyone who's been on Route 29. The girl who appears grinning into the feed is a red haired teen with goggles firmly in place and just a touch of madness in those bright green eyes.]

Helloooo there humans and monsters and all in between!

It is I, Gaige the MIGHTY MECHROMANCER! And I am now en route for...wherever isn't New Barf Town.

[She casts a glance over her shoulder as if to make sure she's not being followed.]

Seriously if they didn't want me to go through their trash and mailboxes and stuff they shouldn't have left stuff in them! It's just common knowledge isn't it? I mean you can't just drop a girl into a new world without any weapons and expect her not to try and improvise!

[Which in her case meant trying and failing to loot New Bark Town for guns. Guns they obviously did not have.]

Anyway sooooo let's get to know each other. As I said I am a Mechromancer which is a godlike combination of scientific genius and badass warrior woman. 

[Here her voice turns back to irritated and a little whiny]

And since WHATEVER brought me here decided to separate me from two of my greatest inventions...feh...whatever. I'll just have to start from scratch again.

[Back to cheerful.]

My favorite things are robots, cupcakes, and bringing down corruption through ANARCHY!!!

Who all's out there? You got work for me? A mission? A quest? I'm your girl!
 

Comments

[2hellwiththe1stlaw]

FUCKFUCKFUCK FUUUUUCK YOU.

What the hell? How...

...and let's be totally clear on this? I let Lilith kill you. She deserved it.

But back to my first question. HOW ARE YOU NOT STILL DEAD?!

[Volume Gaige. You don't need to scream into the microphone it works just fine.]

[thedifferencebetween]

Language. There's kids on this thing!

Whatever, doesn't matter, 'cause as you can see...it didn't do anything. I mean, other than maybe give you some false hope your amateur assault on the most powerful guy in the galaxy might have worked.

Might wanna take it down a few decibels, pumpkin, you're gonna burst a blood vessel there.

[Nevermind, this is actually pretty fun! It's been a while since he got to brag about how not-murdered he is.]

[2hellwiththe1stlaw]

[ She is just about as red as her hair she's so mad right now. Her false arm may only be regular girl strength now instead of super cool concrete crushing level...but she is clearly playing out so violent fantasies in her head.]

It TOTALLY worked! For cripes sake you've been gone for months! There is no way your big mouth could stay off the Echonet if you weren't actually gone!

[thedifferencebetween]

I've been here, duh. Whatever the hell planet this is. You think Pandora's backwoods...this place is off the friggin charts.

But it's gotta lot of untapped markets, been doing good for myself!

[2hellwiththe1stlaw]

Oh how wonderful for you. I'm so glad you managed to bounce back from being King corporate scumbag!

[Teenage Sarcasm at it's most childish.]

You're gonna WISH Deathtrap was here when I get a hold of you, because at least he'd turn you to jelly fast! You don't get to just move on! Not after all you did!

[thedifferencebetween]

Yeah, gonna let ya know right now, that's not gonna happen. This place...it's a little different. You can't kill anybody here. Like literally, it won't work.

Yeah, yeah, blah blah blah, I'm so awful. 'Cause you're a shining beacon of light and goodness, you bot-loving lunatic that went out of your way to murder everyone I love.

[2hellwiththe1stlaw]

I wouldn't really say it was out of my way...

...but if I don't get to leave that crap behind neither do you Jackass!

[Though the whole not dying thing does throw a wrench in her plans. After all Gaige may be...slightly unstable and learned to embrace violence and murder but she's not exactly the first one you call when you need to torture someone.

Maybe third...fourth if Tiny Tina is around.]

I beat you once and I'll do it again! And again and again until it works!

[thedifferencebetween]

Your damage is your damage, not mine.

Come near me and I call the police. They have those here.

[2hellwiththe1stlaw]

[That actually makes her laugh which is kind of like a giggle and a bark at the same time.]

Ooo the big bad Jack scared of me after all? Well you should be!

[She's running out of steam fast. Something about the peaceful not ruined nature of this Route makes it hard to be a badass. It's harder when she doesn't have any of her friends around her.]

So we can do this the easy way, or the fun way! I tore up Pandora looking for you before and I'll do it again!

[thedifferencebetween]

You go right ahead. Have fun. This is a civilized place, kiddo, with laws and rules and all that stuff. And I'm a respected businessman and well loved member of the community! You...you're some loud chick screaming about anarchy and stealing from people.

I'm not scared of you, I just don't wanna deal with you. I got a business to run, a family to look after, a rich social life... I'm a busy guy.

[2hellwiththe1stlaw]

PFFFFFT

[Pardon her while she bursts out laughing. She's laughing so hard she doubles over and almost drops the gear.]

L-loved...HAHAHAHAHAHA!

[This is going to go on for a moment. The idea of anyone loving Jack is somewhere between absurd and disgusting so she's going with absurd for now.]

[thedifferencebetween]

Laugh all ya want. You'll see. I've been here a while. Gotten to know people, been stimulating the economy, making jobs, proving myself as a formidable Pokemon battler...and generally just entertaining the masses with my amazing presence!

And this place loves me.

[2hellwiththe1stlaw]

Are they high all the time?

Or have they just never seen your face?

[That is clearly the only way any of this makes sense.]

[thedifferencebetween]

You just don't get it! You're the criminal. I'm the charismatic and fun-loving self made man. And I throw super bitchin' parties! Ask around. Go ahead.

[2hellwiththe1stlaw]

Yeah...not buying it.

You're the same guy who ruined more lives then I could count, including your own daughter's.

You couldn't win a popularity contest without cheating if the only other person running was Claptrap!

[thedifferencebetween]

Uh, my daughter's got a pretty good life, thanks, you don't know what you're talking about. In fact, we just had a really fun weekend together! Not that you should be talking about Angel at all, considering what you did. Not that it stuck, and believe you me, you better be damned thankful for that.

Whatever you say, cupcake.

[2hellwiththe1stlaw]

....oh my god.

You've gone insane.

I mean like...you a psycho before but you really have lost your mind now haven't you?

[This is somewhere between funny and infuriating. She's not sure there's a word for this emotion.]

[thedifferencebetween]

Nope. Hell, I'm way saner than you are!

[2hellwiththe1stlaw]

1: That's a low bar.

And 2: Even if she did come back, why would Angel want ANYTHING to do with you after everything you did? After everything she did to stop you?

Are you sure your face isn't on too tight? Cutting off the blood flow to that twisted evil brain of yours?

[thedifferencebetween]

You watch your mouth. Angel's here, she's fine, and whatever the hell is between us, it's between us. We're working shit out. Again, you don't actually know anything.

[2hellwiththe1stlaw]

I know just how far she was willing to go to get away from you.

And I know that no matter what lies you put out there, and how much you weasel and sneak around? You're no hero.

You're just a dead jackass who didn't deserve a second chance.

[DAMN that sounded so cool in her head! Why was there no one else around to appreciate this with her? Or to be as irritated by it as she was? She felt the desperate need to either be high fived, or to shoot something and she can do neither of these things right now.]

[thedifferencebetween]

Blah blah blah, usual Vault Hunter bullshit. You think I'm bothered by you? You're nothing! You can't do anything to me except yell and stomp and be pissy. And if you try anything else....

It's not gonna go good for you. That's not like a personal threat or anything, that's just how civilized and people societies work. Not that you'd know anything about that....

And again. Not dead. My sex life is way too active for a corpse's.

[2hellwiththe1stlaw]

[Anything else she might have said, anything cool or tough or funny has been utterly ruined by that last part.]

DisGUSTing! Oh barf!

[Gagging noises.]

Don't ever talk about that again old man! No one wants to hear about that!

[thedifferencebetween]

Oh sure, that's why my sex tapes back home are like the most downloaded things on the ECHOnet.

And my hot boyfriend sure likes hearing about it! I mean...more than hearing about it, cause...obviously...

[2hellwiththe1stlaw]

[More retching noises.]

You can't do that! You can't just...ugh!!! How could anyone look at you and think "Yeah? I'd like to put my dick in that!"

It'd be like boning a wax doll with a bad wig!

[Jack has now ruined cupcakes and sex for her. This is the worst day.]