text: Purposefully anonymous, but woooo boy

[zukeini]

I'm wondering if other people are good at coming with answers on this because I'm kinda not. I'm really not, actually.

But what should you do if you catch "feelings" for someone. Who you know is in a relationship with someone else, but you also think you have "feelings" for that person too? And another person? You think you do?

But like, also it's you realizing that this means you're not straight.

Comments

[text - logged in]

[neverfinishanyth]

It seems like you have a lot of these feelings. Perhaps you might try taking them one at a time?

Re: [text - logged in]

[zukeini]

See, I thought I did that but apparently I didn’t do it right because it’s all hitting me like numerous trucks at once.

[anon text]

[forsaintcecilia]

I don't know if I really have an answer, but I do know what that feels like...

[zukeini]

The attraction part or the multiple crushes part?

text (logged in)

[fingersandteeth]

Well. I can help with that last one, at least. God knows I actually *tried* to make it work with girls when I was a teenager. (It didn't.)

Anyway, I suppose the first thing we should establish is: did you think you were straight because you'd previously been with the opposite sex and enjoyed it or did you think you were straight because for whatever reason (be it family or local laws or religion) *not* being straight wasn't an option? Or both? Because those are slightly different conversations.

If it's easier to talk about this in private, feel free to direct message me instead, by the way. That's why I'm logged in now, so you can have the option of not talking about that part in public.

[zukeini]

I dunno man, it kinda feels like it’s something that was just sort of hidden. But the more I look back now that you mention it...

I think I was always into the opposite sex too. Back in college I hung around a lot of people like me and we all liked hanging out. Seeing all kinds of people in one place share your interests and everything kind of felt so right. That was how my ex found me.

But I dunno how to explain it, maybe it is better to go private.

[text] logged in

[captainash]

First of all, do you want advice on how to act upon your feelings, on how to get rid of them, or on how to not make things awkward at all between you and the persons in question?

[zukeini]

Uh, all of them...I guess?

Logged in; text;

[schachmeister]

I'm not certain if it is possible to have feelings for that many people at the same time. Are you certain it isn't merely a sexual interest?

[Listen, Armin comes from a world where being poly is not talked about.]

In any case, to me it seems that if the person you have an interest in already is in a relationship, then telling them about your feelings is a bit selfish, isn't it? After all, aren't they already happy? What is your goal in telling them?

[He had never told Mr Newt about his crush on him either, in part because Newt had already been in a relationship at the time. The whole 'baby's first gay crush' hadn't helped, but if Newt had been a woman, Armin doesn't think he would've told him-- her? either in the same situation.]

[zukeini]

[Zuke frowned.]

Yeah, I don't have any plans on telling them for that very reason. I can't do that to them, it's clear how they love each other. I saw it first hand.

Thing is, I dunno. I never asked those questions to myself until now.

text; logged in

[hatedthemost]

Oh my god, you absolutely CAN'T tell them!

[Not that he has any! Experience! Or anything!]

[zukeini]

Yeah. I know it can’t. I don’t plan to.

[text - logged in]

[nastyboy]

[Oh boy, Zuke, check out what name is popping up on your screen today!]

I feel deeply for your situation, stranger. I used to often think that, although my own feelings blossomed easily for those around me, I did not deserve to truly pursue them. I hope that, in your case, it is merely a matter of an awkward position, and not your own view of yourself poisoning your views.

Yet since arriving to Johto, I have found myself in a rather peculiar situation when it comes to romance, and it has made me want to be more optimistic in such matters. I have also learned a lot more about what is actually possible versus what is expected. It is all rather confusing, and strange. I do not blame you for being overwhelmed.

I cannot help you with how you feel about being straight, but perhaps my telling you of how my own lovers and I came to be may help you think of what you want to do in your own case?

1/3

[zukeini]

[aaaaAaaaaaaaaAAAA]

[zukeini]

[AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA]

3/4 I lied

[zukeini]

[HE SHOULD’VE KNOWN THIS WOULD HAVE HAPPENED. ANON LIKE THIS. STUPID ZUKE, STUPID-

AND OF COURSE HE WAS BEING SO NICE ABOUT IT!! AUUUGH—!!!!]

4/6 you asked for this

[zukeini]

[No man, he needs to read this. He’s trying to help. He always does. Let’s just stay calm and rational, as always, and read-]

5/6

[zukeini]

6/6

[zukeini]

[He read that right? Did he? Let’s look that over again.

Okay.

Be cool, mysteriously respond. He can’t know it’s you, Zuke. He had to inquire gently.]

That’s nice you grew more comfortable with it. I hope I do too, figuring this out.

You had multiple lovers here? Sounds like you really did change for the better.

text; logged in

[freckledarcher]

Hmm, that sounds like a tricky situation. Let's see maybe talking to someone about it? Have you tried finding someone to talk about your feelings? Or letting the person know? If they say no then maybe you can try to be friends instead?

[zukeini]

I think if we could be friends, it'll be awesome. But I have a feeling if they knew, it would just make it complicated.

[ron_factor]

Wow...that's kind of a lot. Like, I'd have advice for catching feelings for someone who's in a relationship with someone else, but not the rest of it.

And I'm gonna be honest, it would've been to bury your feelings and hope the someone else is a synthodrone, and that advice doesn't really apply here at all.

[zukeini]

I wonder if reading minds or whatever would make this situation better or worse.

[Text]

[cyan_maid]

[oh no

Jane is the last person anyone should ask advice about this about, and yet]

Definitely talk it out with the parties involved. Do not keep it a secret. Be honest and forthright, and don't leave any room for misinterpretation.
I am speaking from experience when I say that avoiding the feelings does not make them go away or resolve anything.

post dimitri

[zukeini]

Yeah, I can't anymore. I've been flipping flopping on it still but...I'm starting to feel braver, I guess.

[Anon text because he's a baby]

[speedweed]

Actually, I've been in this situation.

Other than faffing about trying to hide everything and hope it goes away, I merely ended up conversing with the both of them and figuring out where we all stood. It... ended up working out?

It's worth a try if you approach it honestly.

we all babies here

[zukeini]

Wow.


I'm real glad it worked out. Sounds like these are people that appreciated your honesty.

Text; anonymous for Reasons

[dreamsofahero]

While you have a good start in recognizing your own feelings, you must think about what you truly want to do, first, before doing anything else. It's possible that both of the persons you describe will reciprocate your feelings, but feelings alone do not and can not make a relationship. Do you want to commit yourself to being someone's partner, to caring for them regardless of whether or not it brings you happiness or pleasure to do? Are the two--or three--of you compatible with each other, or all willing to make the changes in yourselves necessary to become that?

Becoming deeply involved with someone in the way you seem to be describing is not a matter to take lightly. Acting on feelings alone can bring you or the other grief, sometimes in unexpected ways. If you have considered all this and still truly want to pursue it, then you can think about how to do so. But first you must be certain you know what you're getting into.

[zukeini]

You're right on all of these. I've been really thinking about it. And after reading everyone's comments, it makes me feel...empowered, I guess?

See in the past, I loved someone but I was younger and stupid. That's not the thing I want to repeat again. I keep thinking about these people, and realizing just the kind of people they are to me...I just feel like it's something I should die trying to do.