[It's the evening of the 31st and after three very busy weeks, Jaskier is finally leaving Goldenrod! Yet he isn't recording this at a route, he's at some room? A moving room. The background noise will tell you this is a private car in the Magnet Train, because this bard and his witcher are leaving for Kanto! Since it's warm inside the cabin, Jaskier's ditched his cloak and he's lounging around in a simple cardigan and shirt. Rings decorate the fingers currently holding a teacup, and on the table in front of him where the Pokégear stands recording, there's a plate with delicate pastries, the teapot... and little a cushion. A cushion where Regina the Ducklett is currently sleeping while wearing the golden ribbon they won at the contest.
Yes, Jaskier is showing off. Yes, his ego is too big for his own good. No, he doesn't care. Sue him.]We've been in this realm for two months yet its scientific achievements continue to amaze me.
[He speaks while looking through the window at the passing scenery.] A cart that needs no horse or magic! Faster than a wyvern! As noisy as one, as well, but that's a price I'm willing to pay in exchange for these comforts. They said we'd arrive at the neighbor kingdom in only
six hours, and I can sleep through most of that! A true wonder!
[After taking another sip of his tea, he puts the cup down as he turns to look at the camera properly now.]But I do not wish to go to bed yet! I've got a few important announcements to make. I spent my time in Goldenrod learning more about these computers I'm praising so much, and now I'm proud to say my career has officially started, as they say, "online"!
[He leans in over the table to type on the Pokégear and attach a link to his carrd/linktree.] All my songs have been recorded, together with my beloved Pokémon, into these "music videos"! I've published the lyrics, together with my poetry, in book form as well. Which wasn't an easy task, let me tell you - why are these keyboards
not in alphabetical order? It's baffling, to say the least.
[Qwerty can go fuck itself, Jaskier thinks.] Anyway, a little over twenty years of barding are now available to everyone! I hope I can count on your patronage.
[A little over twenty years - that says something about his age, doesn't it? Next, Jaskier attaches a list of eggs.]While I worked on my art and the quills to go with Geralt's inks, I also allowed my Pokémon to breed, so I have a few eggs for sale. I think the price is quite fair, but I'm open to trading too if you have anything that may catch my interest. And that reminds me - Claude, dear, that gift I promised? Is ready for you.
[Now all businesses have been covered, Jaskier relaxes - he sits back, crosses his legs and grabs his teacup again. But no, the post isn't over yet. He likes to talk, okay? He's a bard, he's in love with the sound of his own voice.]Since my grumpy companion is currently napping, would any of you mind offering your company for this ride? I'm open to all kinds of conversation, although there are a couple of topics that have been on my mind lately. First, I wish to speak to any traveller that has been here since the beginning of these strange arrivals, or for at least six years. I may be interested to start a project to record the history of our people's experience in this world in the future, but I need to see exactly how much information is still fresh in the people's minds.
[More sipping of tea before continuing.]Second, it's been brought to my attention that many adults around here are still naive when it comes to the matters of
love - and I don't mean just the feelings, if you catch my drift.
[He winks at the camera.] And honestly, I found this even more baffling than the keyboards! This realm allows information to be free for everyone instead of hoarded by scholars and mages! Available at the end of your fingertips! Do you have any idea what I would've given to have this "internet" in my world? Bawdy books cost an arm and a leg and could only be acquired in shady alleys that would give you at least ten different illness by just breathing in them.
[Huff!!!] Nevertheless, if anyone needs guidance or has any questions, I'm here to answer them for you. You could say I'm quite
experienced in--
[It's at that exact moment that Geralt photobombs the recording, walking by behind Jaskier while being shirtless, scars and muscles all exposed because clearly he hasn't caught on the fact his BFF is streaming. Cursing under his breath, Jaskier turns off the feed as his other hand grabs a cushion to throw at the witcher's head...]