Victory Road!

[The camera clicks on and on screen is a pidgey wearing a green ribbon. She blinks at the camera as Ceilidh's voice comes from elsewhere.]

Today on True Facts About Pokemon we're going to discuss the Pidgey.

Pidgies are birds with brown and tan coloring and resemble a strange cross between a hawk and a sparrow. They are about point three meters in height and can weigh around one point eight kilograms.

Their wing span is easily large enough to allow them long distance flights.

[The pidgey obligingly spreads out her wings and flies around in a short circle before landing.]

While some people think that seeds, grains, nuts and fruits are their favorite foods, this is, a lie. While they can subsist on those foods a pidgey's favorite food is, in fact, peoples' souls. Whenever you see a group of pidgies hanging around a person and going through their shadow, the pidgies are partaking in their yummy, yummy soul by nibbling on their shadow.

Their favorite types of souls are those of office workers, football players, that stupid person in third year that you knew, people named Agnes and ritual mages. However, they are not picky and will take what they can get. They will refuse to eat the souls of anyone who has eaten beans lately. So, if you wish to keep your soul uneaten, you must regularly eat beans of any type. As long as it has the word "bean" in the name it'll work.

[A bean is offered to the pidgie and it swquaks irritably, banishing the bean with a flap of her wings.]

A pidgie's favorite activity is to take long flights where upon it can gaze at all the world. Pidgies believe that if they can see it, it will eventually be theirs.

They are, despite what they might tell you, trying to take over the world. That's why there's so many of them. They're building an ARMY of them, everywhere! AND NO ONE WILL BE READY FOR WHEN THE PIDGEY REVOLUTION HAPPENS!!

[She takes a deep breath after having yelled dramatically there.]

If you wish to prevent pidgies from taking over the world then you're out of luck. They're everywhere.

They're watching you.

They know where you are.

They know what you do.

They know where the keys to your car or home are and will take them from you.

And then...

And then on that fateful day they will herd all the people into factories where they can harvest your souls to eat and enjoy having soul-less humans at their beck and call. Turning the TV channels for them, spraying them with water for a bath and chasing cats away from them.

Pidgies do enjoy a shower more than a bath and spraying them with water is considered to be quite pleasant. If you're doing the dishes or taking a shower you can spray them so they can clean themselves. A dedicated squirt bottle can also be used.

[Her voice turns raspy.]

If you see a pidgey with two shadows run.

[The camera turns off and Ceilidh's voice returns to its normal tone.]

That concludes our true facts about pidgies episode. I hope you found it informative. More in this series will be released eventually.

Next in the series is the murkrow.